Morning Dew
by Revontuli
Summary: Did the battle scene at the end of Breaking Dawn leave you feeling cheated? -- This is my alternate ending to the series.
1. The Turns and Twists

**A/N:**

I don't know about you, but Breaking Dawn severely diminished my excitement about Twilight. I just didn't like the book much. The characters were all totally off, the plot was not well thought-through, and the writing made my eyes water. When the book finally advanced to the battle scene, I was exultant -- I thought that the story would finally take the right turn and amend for all the confusion from the beginning. But then nothing happened. SM later called it "strategy"... but I seriously see no connection between what happened in BD and _The Merchant of Venice _by Shakespeare. So I decided to test the waters myself, and see if I could do any better.

That being said, I would like to remind you of two things:

a) I am not an author. I know I'm not better than SM. I'm just a sixteen-year-old venting her frustration.  
b) I don't mean to offend anyone who liked BD. Everyone's entitled to an own opinion. You can still enjoy this story if you did :)

The story kicks off right where the Volturi are deciding whether or not to attack. Until then everything stays as it is -- if you need to refresh your memory, feel free to check Breaking Dawn (I had to do that quite a lot, especially in the beginning. I hope there are no contradictions. If you find any, however, please let me know). The italics in the beginning are straight from the book.

Beta'ed by TRDancer. A huge thanks to her! :)

Enjoy!

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_"I must make the deciding vote, it seems," Aro mused._

_Suddenly, Edward stiffened at my side._

"We have committed no crime," he called out over the snow-covered field. Despite his words, his voice was resigned and hopeless. There was no energy in his resistance. My grip on his hand tightened.

Aro put on a mask of sadness. "But alas, we cannot know the dangers." He turned back to his witnesses, making broad gestures with his arms. "If we do not protect our kind, who will? Many claim we have no right to exert our power. But they do not see the real nature of our work, the meaning of our efforts. When the southern covens arranged into armies, did any rules prohibit their actions? When they fought their bloody wars and brought down numerous innocent bystanders, were they acting against the law? No, they weren't—because laws for our kind do not exist. Only threats do."

I stopped breathing. The snow looked blood-spattered through my red lenses; my fear was quickly replaced by a sudden anger. Not an explosive anger like the one I was used to. This anger was white-hot. It didn't start, peak, and finish. It burned away until nothing was left.

"We are not your kings," Aro continued, casting a meaningful glance on Garrett, who was still standing in a crouch beside Kate. "We are not your superiors. _We are your servants._ We protect you from harm—and from threats such as these. If I could, I would go back in time and stop the wars of the south before they began. I am sure I am not the only one who would gladly have crushed the seeds of destruction before they could grow, had I possessed the knowledge I have today. But in the early days the wars were only a threat, not a danger. From that experience I learned that threats should be defeated _before_ the danger. And here we have a threat."

The witnesses had started murmuring in low voices. Their eyes swept over the whole scene, from us to the Volturi, judging us. Only a few of them were still unsure; the rest looked at Aro with resolute eyes.

Aro, I was sure, could see it too. His face was still the same mask of sadness, but now there was something more brewing beneath it.

_Victory._

He turned Carlisle. "Threats," he said softly, almost in a whisper, "must be annihilated."

The silence that had weighed down on our ranks was suddenly swept away. A chorus of angry growls and shouts filled the air from our side of the field. The friends most loyal to us stepped closer to Carlisle to form a line of defense. The more skeptical allies crept further away from us, into the direction of the woods.

My nails dug into Edward's skin where my hand still gripped his. We both looked anxiously to the east—the side of the field that was not occupied by anyone. I knew what we were both thinking. It was a possible escape route for Renesmee and Jacob.

While our side erupted with noise, the Volturi guard stayed eerily silent. Their faces were not mockingly sad like Aro's, or even politely neutral—every one of them looked at us with bloodlust written all over their faces.

Carlisle remained quiet. I could not see his face, but his stance was tranquil and sad. Despite all his optimistic hopes, he'd known what our fate would be. He had accepted it.

"This is your choice, then." He spoke calmly, looking Aro straight in the eye. "To eradicate my family and friends."

Caius' smile was malicious, Marcus' expression bored. Aro's lips twisted down into a warped frown. "I'm afraid it is, dear friend."

"There's nothing we can do to change your mind?" Carlisle pushed on, clearly only asking for the sake of trying. "Is this all that remains of our long friendship?"

Aro joined his brothers at the head of his army. They stood in a straight line, like generals leading their troops against a foreign power. Renata fluttered behind him like a bundle of nerves. "What are friendships beside the wellbeing of our kind?" he countered desolately.

And with that he raised his hand. His army crouched down in one harmonized movement.

"We need not resort to battle," he continued. "The only threat here is the little girl. Hand her over, and you can all leave unharmed."

A furious growl gushed out of my lungs, and I wasn't alone. Even Edward was snarling at Aro's outrageous offer. Carlisle didn't hesitate with his answer.

"No, Aro. We are a family—if you want to kill one of us, you will have to face us all."

It was the answer Aro had been expecting. He nodded, obviously pleased. "Very well."

After that, many things happened at once.

Aro's witnesses scattered, running into all possible directions. Most of them dashed off into the woods, some went to join the Guard. Surprisingly, a rare few came to us. Garrett beamed at them as they crouched down beside him.

In the space behind us, our own witnesses began to scramble. A big part of them made a frenzied departure towards the safety of the woods. Randall, Mary, Siobhan, Liam—from one instant to the other, our forces were diminished severely.

And yet I understood them and could only hope they made it out of the clearing in time. For something was happening on the other side of the field as well. The Guard had quickly rearranged themselves into an arrow-shaped formation. Their actions were measured, deliberate. The Volturi were attacking.

Our reaction to their attack was more disorganized. Snarls and hisses ripped through the air as we took off at the same time, like a flock of birds at the first sign of danger. Except that we weren't flying away from it. We were heading straight toward our deaths.

In the rush of it all I was dragged along, mechanically attacking the source of danger. But before I could properly be involved in the fight, two strong hands grabbed my arms, catching me off guard. I was flung backwards and dropped onto my back. Before I had time to realize who it was I was thrashing against my unknown adversary, blindly snarling and kicking.

"Hush, little one, it's just me!" a voice called out. I focused my eyes on my opponent for the first time. It was Zafrina. She smiled at me when I met her eyes. "I promised to cover you, remember?"

I stopped thrashing, suddenly feeling like an idiot. I now understood what Edward had meant the many times he'd said that newborns were no good in a fight. Had I reacted like that to a real attack, I would have been dead in less than a second.

I mumbled a sorry and scrambled to my feet, swiftly assessing my surroundings. Zafrina had thrown me out of the battle's way, onto a patch of snow by the trees. The real fight was taking place a good ten yards away from us. The area around us was shrilly silent.

When my eyes took in the scene of battle, I could feel something heavy in me sink down to my feet. Everyone I had ever cared about was there, fighting against a power we had no hope of defeating. Even Emmett's smile was gone as he took on a large, dark shape—Felix, I guessed—and bared his sharp teeth. Rosalie was close by, fighting against an opponent of her own. Others—Benjamin and Tia, Garrett and Kate—were fighting back to back, clearly seeking help in numbers. Already now our ranks seemed ridiculously small against the unstoppable wrath of the Volturi.

I started to search more keenly, feeling more desperate with each second. Watching Emmett fight was one thing—at much as it shamed me to admit, I was more interested in how _my_ husband was doing. But he was nowhere to be seen.

I strained my eyes more. The wolves had joined the fight too, but all of them looked strangely unfamiliar and distant to me. None of them had russet fur and kind brown eyes. None of them was carrying a small child.

Had Jacob managed to escape? I forced myself to believe that not seeing him was a good thing. The fight was still in its early stages; he couldn't have already been brought down.

A sudden cry broke me out of my frantic searching. Zafrina has disappeared from my side. I could soon spot her a few feet away, crouching in front of two shady figures.

"Step aside, woman, we only want her," a deep voice hissed. I didn't recognize it.

"No chance, honey. You'll have to get through me first," Zafrina answered, sounding surprisingly high-spirited. It made my heart sink even lower.

Almost wearily, the big figure gestured something to his partner. The latter crouched down quickly, and sprang.

This one was a woman. A strand of curly, brown hair stuck out from under her hood. She landed on Zafrina before I could so much as blink.

But Zafrina was not surprised. She hurled the woman to the side before she could even fall to the ground. When the woman landed, she did not get up. Her eyes were blank as the pages of an unfinished book.

"How do you like the darkness, my dear?" Zafrina snickered. I was surprised by her tone—I'd never heard her be this cruel before.

The other vampire hesitated for an instant before throwing himself into the air. I could only cry out before Zafrina was pinned down to the ground by the large figure, making strange noises like a cat. I was paralyzed; weakly, I waited for the blindness to come over the man so Zafrina could free herself. But when I heard a terrible ripping sound I realized that it should have already happened. Something was wrong; Zafrina was screaming and thrashing on the ground, her eyes wildly concentrating on the man. But he was fine.

"Bella!" she screamed out, snapping me out of my state of shock. I lunged forward, intending to knock the man off my friend.

"_No_, Bella, your shield!" Zafrina's words came out agonized. I halted in midair and fell to my hands and knees. What did she mean?

I checked the thin film that I had thrown over my family just a few minutes ago. I could only feel a few light sparks in it; the most had broken out of it, out of the reach of my protection. Zafrina, too, was left unprotected, whereas her opponent was not.

Horror washed over me—I was thwarting Zafrina's powers!

Cursing myself, I hastily adjusted the form of my shield. Some light sparks reemerged, some vanished—the members of the Volturi who had smuggled themselves into it. The screaming next to me abruptly stopped as the dark man was tossed to the side, his eyes blank as his partner's.

"Thank you, little one," Zafrina said, straightening herself. "Try to keep your shield over the right people."

I was about to apologize when I saw her clothes, ripped off from right next to the shoulder. A long gash ran over her side, leaking the blood of her last meals onto the so far spotless snow.

"Zafrina!" I gasped, rushing over. "Are you all right?"

She shrugged with a smile on her face. "Could be worse. Don't worry about me—concentrate on your shield. It's our best asset."

The shrieking on the field was getting worse and worse, but there was a different tone to the cries now. Some of them were painful and mostly accompanied by the sound of tearing. Some of them were more deeply tormented. They were cries of grief.

Terrified, my eyes scanned over the crowd again. Through my peripheral vision I could see figures approaching us again and Zafrina crouching to fight, but my mind was preoccupied by something else. The anxiety was overwhelming. Where were my greatest treasures, my husband and my child? I could see neither. As far as I knew they could both be dead. I almost howled at the thought.

But then my eyes caught a glimpse of bronze hair. The sight of Edward's angular face and familiar, beautiful eyes affected me like a drug: I felt a sudden high, and seemed to drift away from myself in an odd out-of-body experience. My world was reduced to the tiny spot he was standing on.

When I looked at him more carefully, searching for signs of injury, I noticed he looked preoccupied, like he was looking for something. He wasn't actively fighting but dodging the attackers instead. His head whipped from side to side.

My hazy mind took a few seconds to realize what he was doing. Edward was looking for Demetri! I drew in a deep breath, finally feeling some kind of ease. If Edward was looking for him, maybe we still had hope. Renesmee must have escaped with Jacob.

Zafrina's screaming once again brought me down to Earth. She was struggling against another set of attackers, this time three. More dark shapes were gathering around us. It could only mean one thing: I had been detected. Now I was the main target.

Checking my shield, I crouched down in anticipation. This time someone was sure to get through Zafrina, and I would have to defend myself. Would I be able to concentrate on keeping the shield up and fighting at the same time? I would soon see.

True enough, I was soon surrounded by vampires. As I scrutinized their faces, I recognized a few of them: Felix was there, along with Heidi and Chelsea. The others I had never seen before, but they watched me as maliciously as Jane had when she'd first tried to torture me.

"Hello, Bella," Felix said pleasantly. He took a step closer. "Nice to see you've joined us."

The white-hot anger was still there. A low growl started forming in my throat and I bared my teeth, but tried to keep myself under control. Newborn ravings would help no one. Instead, I tried to remember everything I had been taught about fighting in the last few days: how to position my arms just below my chest where they could both defend and attack, how to not concentrate on each person separately but process the group as a unity, how to keep my knees bent but tight.

But even with all those tips and tricks I knew I had no chance. It was time for me to die.

Thankfully, I'd already acknowledged that fact.

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**A/N:**

I tried to copy the style of Breaking Dawn as much as I could without losing my personal touch. How did you like it? I'm welcoming any criticism and/or suggestions. **Please never forget to review!** :D It keeps me going.


	2. One on One

**A/N:**

Voilà, chapter number two :) Enjoy!  
The italics are from the end of the last chapter.

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_But even with all those tips and tricks I knew I had no chance. It was time for me to die._

_Thankfully, I'd already acknowledged that fact._

_----_

The first person hit me hard.

I wasn't ready for his punch and reacted a millisecond too late. It made me stagger back against a tree.

"Don't move and we'll make this fast and painless," one of the vampires said. It was one I'd never seen before, an older looking man with shockingly white hair, like a ghost. He cocked his pale head to the side and inched closer, giving me time to prepare for his strike.

I spat at him. It hit him straight in the face.

He halted and wiped the venom away with disgust. "All right then,_ not_ fast and painless."

I snarled as he stooped, kicked off the ground, and sprang. My arms instinctively rose to protect my face, and my mind screamed at me to do something, _anything_ to avoid being slaughtered by this ghost, but I was too resigned to react.

But at the last minute, something hurled against him before he could land on me —a tree trunk, I noted in surprise. I looked to the side.

I'd expected Zafrina, but it wasn't her. It was Emmett, looking ragged and deadbeat in his torn clothes and muddy hair. He was standing next to where a tree had once been, a tree that had been yanked out with roots and all. The snow was splattered with brown soil like drops of blood.

"Leave my lil' sis alone, will ya?" he jeered. He looked virtually delighted when two of the group of vampires stepped away from me to face him. He lifted an inviting finger, coaxing them to attack.

Horrorstruck, I watched the men pounce on my big brother. All three were soon wrestling on the ground in a whirl of gray cloaks and white limbs.

To my wonder I realized that I felt no fear for him. The long period of suppressed terror and stifling anxiety had made me numb. All I could do was stand still and keep my shield around the right people for as long as I could. Once I died, how many others would follow? Presumably all, sooner or later.

I felt that pain even through my numbness. The thought of my entire family dead weighed heavily on my heart. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie… and Edward. My only consolation was that I wouldn't stay behind.

The remainder of the attacking circle was still surrounding me. Only a fragment of a second had passed after Emmett's interruption. Now they were focused on me again.

I checked my shield for one last time. Everything seemed in order. I could offer a few seconds more of protection to my friends.

But before the man nearest to me could raise a hand, he and his companions were knocked to the ground. I stared wide-eyed as they were ripped apart by Zafrina, Garrett, Peter, and Charlotte.

Zafrina screamed at me. "_Run_, Bella! Hide in the forest!"

I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. "No, Bella, you're no use to anyone dead! Stopping playing the martyr and _get the hell out of here_!"

Reluctantly, I left the scene. It felt cowardly and absolutely wrong, but I tried to push aside the guilt. I'd promised to stay back during the fight, and to stay alive as long as possible. I was doing the right thing by hiding.

_Hiding like a coward_, another voice in my mind said to me. _Like someone afraid to die._

I shook my head away from the thoughts.

No one took any notice of me as I dashed past the big battle. The snow crunched under my feet as I ran, but the Volturi were too preoccupied to hear it. Indignantly, I refused to scan the faces of the crowd—I was too afraid to see something that would make me turn around again.

The forest around the clearing was thin at most places, especially now that there were no leaves, but there was one spot in the north-east that could offer enough cover to do as a hiding place. There was a big stone there that looked strangely out of place amongst the greenery. Edward had once told me that a glacier had carried it there.

Feeling more like a coward than ever, I ducked behind it and bent down to keep my whole self out of sight. Searching my surroundings, I found that no one had followed me there—yet, anyway. I knew the safety was short-lived, but at least it was there.

But the sounds of fighting irritated me. Why was I not allowed to join them? I longed to put my anger into physical energy. The extent of my fury was far greater than I could rein in. My mind and body felt ready to explode.

I tried to preoccupy my mind with logical thinking. I had questions that, although not nearly as interesting as fighting, needed answering. Where was Renesmee? Where was Edward? And where were the heads of the Volturi, the main source of our problems—Aro, Marcus, and Caius? I could hardly imagine them fighting alongside their guard. They were far too craven for that.

When the wondering finally grew over my head, I decided to wager a peek. Very, very carefully, I rose to my feet, keeping my back bent so I was still hidden behind the stone. Then, even more carefully, I rested my hand on the side and leaned over an inch—just enough to get a view of one half of the field.

Tensed in anticipation, I let my eyes roam over the many faces of the crowd. A weight lifted off my heart at each face I recognized: Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Kate, and Benjamin were all still on their feet. But where was the face I sought most of all? _Where was Edward?_

I tried to smother my panic. The other side of the clearing was hidden to me—he could easily be fighting there. Or he could have gone after Renesmee to make sure she was all right. He was a good fighter. He would stand until the end.

As my eyes feverishly searched the crowd, they spotted a group of black cloaks in one edge of the field. The fury blazed up in me again when I grasped who they were: Aro, Marcus, and Caius, all fearfully waiting the battle out under the safety of the trees. Renata, Aro's shield, was there, along with some members of the guard. Jane and Alec were standing a few feet away, apparently defending rather than attacking. Had my shield crippled them enough that they were completely unable to fight? I smiled at the thought.

Suddenly the longing to fight gripped me again. I forgot my own job as I looked at the heads of the Volturi, the biggest evils amongst evil, the men who were to blame for all my loss. Everyone else was too busy with the guard to even attempt an attack on them. But I was free, and I was immune against all of their shielding powers. They'd be too shocked to react in time if I attacked…

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?" someone sneered behind me. An instinctive growl poured out of my mouth as I twirled around to meet whoever it was.

It was Felix.

"Your friends are good fighters," he said, striding forward fast. I backed into the woods. "They almost saved you."

And before I could reply to his mocking, he was in the air, flying towards me at breakneck speed.

But this time I was faster.

Zafrina's words rang in my ears: _"You're no use to anyone dead!"_ It was my duty to stay alive for as long as possible—it was time I contributed to the effort.

So I took off into the forest, dashing over the snow so fast I was almost flying. My newborn strength was still there, and all the emotion acted as fuel for me, so that I hardly needed to concentrate on my legs as I ran. Without a plain target I slalomed through the trees and leafless bushes, fueled by anger and hoping for a miracle.

But even with all my newborn strength, Felix was quick. His legs were much longer, and that made his strides huge, twice the size of mine. Although he couldn't quite catch up, I couldn't lose him either. If I slowed down for even a second, he would get me.

My mind raced. There had to be something I could do to elude him!

I tried to trick him by abruptly making a curve to the left. It worked at first—Felix failed to follow me quick enough and continued straight on. But he realized his mistake much too early. He was back at my heels before I could breathe out a sigh of relief.

Thankfully, however, it put a deciding distance between us. When I made a sharp turn again, I was able to stoop behind a group of small rocks before he could see me.

This time Felix didn't race by.

"I know you're here somewhere, Bella," he baited me, taking a sniff of the air. "You don't have to make this so darn difficult."

I remained tensely silent.

"Come on, don't you think you're being a little unfair? Your whole family is back there, fighting for your daughter's life. Shouldn't you be helping them?"

I gritted my teeth and chanted to myself: _I am helping them, I am helping them._ Felix was just trying to lure me out of my hideout. Still, his words stung. Especially his mention of Nessie made my stomach lurch. Again the same question flooded my mind: Was my daughter all right?

Felix was getting dangerously close. I could hear him sink his foot to the ground, the frozen ground crunch under his weight. I could hear his measured breathing.

And from one second to the other, the stones in front of me were gone.

"Ah, there you are," Felix laughed, pouncing on me before I could even gasp in surprise.

I tried to struggle away from him, but it was no use—he had me in a headlock on the ground in a second.

I growled and kicked and bared my teeth, but there was nothing I could do to free myself. Felix was holding me cleverly—far away from my teeth so I couldn't bite him, and at a spot around my arms that made it impossible for me to move them.

"Shh, calm down, newbie. Take a deep breath and count to ten."

I snarled. The world around me was crimson.

But after a few minutes of struggling I had to admit it was futile. I eventually slackened in his grip, closing my eyes and adjusting my shield around everyone, just to make sure I would do a good job until the very end. I marveled the light sparks that warmed me inside the cover, like fireflies under a blanket—I was sure I could recognize some, like Carlisle and his slightly chemical smell, and without a doubt Emmett, whose spark felt thicker than the others. And there was one spark, one so bright and stunning that it made me feel pleasantly warm even in the snow, that it just _had_ to be Edward's. Why hadn't I realized it before? I would know exactly where he was for as long as I was alive. I could feel his spark dance, very much alive…

Felix grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to my feet without letting me go.

"All right, move it. In that direction." He pointed towards the clearing.

I looked up at him, confused. "What?"

"You heard me!" Felix answered, sounding impatient. "Get a move on. Everyone's waiting for us."

"Huh?" I straightened my back and looked around me. All I could see were bare trees and snow, but then I noted the strange calm in the air. There was no more growling and ripping. It was as if the fighting had stopped—but why would it have? And why on earth was I still alive if it had? "You're not going to kill me?" I asked, almost sounding like I wanted him to.

"It turned out I don't have to." Felix shrugged, pulling my hands behind my back and lightly pushing me forwards. "You lost anyway."

"No!" What did he mean, "lost"? We couldn't have lost, not after everything! We couldn't have lost without me losing with them…

Felix said nothing, but drew me closer to him and kicked my legs, forcing me to take a step forwards. Paralyzed, I walked in the direction he was steering me. Panic and sorrow washed over me like a tsunami, burying any fear or anger I should have felt towards him. If we'd lost, how many were still alive? Was I the only one? Why wasn't I dead? I hadn't imagined I'd have to live on without everyone.

I felt a hand against my neck. I looked down without thinking—it was Felix. He was… _stroking_ me.

"Don't be sad," he said gently. "Most of your friends are fine. This will all be over soon, no matter the outcome."

I was too shocked to push his hand away. It started venturing lower and lower, until Felix had his hand right on the small of my back. He stopped there, holding me gently, even soothingly, until alarm bells started ringing in my head.

"Don't touch me!" I hissed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. Felix chuckled and let go of my back, but kept firm hold of my arms. I fumed.

Then we were on the clearing. The sun had come out during some point, and it sent rainbows of light bouncing off the vampires' skin. The snow reflected the light too, camouflaging the people on it. Only the clothes were visible against the white.

Without thinking anything but feeling everything in the world, my eyes swept over the view. The dark-cloaked vampires were standing, but others were on their knees, being held down by large figures…

I recognized Carlisle. He smiled weakly when I met his eye. A big vampire was looming over him, keeping a firm hand on his shoulder. Carlisle looked more shaken than I had ever seen him before.

Right next to him was Esme. She, too, smiled at the sight of me, looking relieved.

Emmett and Rosalie were also there, huddling together. There were five guards around them.

So most of my family appeared to be all right, as Felix had promised. As he led me to the middle of the field, I looked over the rest of the captives. The other covens hadn't been so lucky. Only Kate was still there, looking like a zombie in the arms of Garrett, who was no less grief-stricken himself. Zafrina was there, and so were Benjamin and Tia. Maggie was hunched on the ground, but her chest was still moving, making me hope that she was still somewhat alive—physically, at least.

The wolves were nowhere to be seen. I swallowed down the panic and pushed the observation away from my mind.

And there, on the opposite side of the clearing, a familiar face greeted me with a look of relief so great that it made my dead heart jump. Edward was on his knees, his arms crossed tightly over his chest like he was trying to contain a tornado there. His eyes were blacker than midnight.

"Bella!" he choked out, dropping his arms and attempting to stand up. The two men around him pushed him back down.

I took in the sight of him—I'd never appreciated it this much before. Who knew how long I had to enjoy his angelic features? At least I got to see him once more before I died.

_Edward was all right._ The revelation thawed my frozen muscles.

Felix gave me a shove, making me land hard on my hands and knees. I looked up, still feeling the effects of seeing Edward alive clouding my mind.

Only then did I notice that others were watching me.

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**A/N:**

Thank you for staying with me :)  
**Please review!!** Thanks :)


	3. Fishing

**A/N:**

First of, thank you a million times for all the wonderful reviews! I was honestly not expecting a flood like that, and it made me very happy to see that a lot of people have read the first chapters of the story attentively and could point out many things that I hadn't noticed myself. I truly appreciate it :)

Secondly, I've been noticing some impatience in people's reviews. Although I'm glad you're so excited about my story, please remember that writing is only a hobby of mine and that I still go to school. Teachers don't accept "I had to write fanfiction for Twilight" as an excuse for not doing your homework, and I don't want to spend every single rare free minute in front of the computer screen. So please don't despair if I don't update everyday! I haven't forgotten, and I do actually have a small "supply" of chapters that won't run out too soon, no matter how little time I have to write.

Enjoy chapter 3! :)

* * *

"Bella! I am _so_ glad you are safe and sound," Aro said, exaggerating with his hands. I glared at him in disgust—what use was there to pretend now? "We've been looking all over for you. I was almost afraid something had happened."

"Yeah, right. Something like what? Your henchmen butchering me?" I spat out. Now that I knew Edward was still alive, the anger was starting to get the upper hand. If Aro were at least honest in his intentions, I might have been able to swallow the hatred and bear my fate in silence. But he was still pretending to be an old friend! I wondered how long he would have to keep up the charade.

Aro made a mockingly sad face at my accusation. It looked twisted with the obvious joy that was looming underneath. "It makes me sad to hear you think so lowly of us. I sent my men to search for you, that's all. No one was supposed to get hurt."

The many bonfires crackled as if to protest against his statement.

"But now you are here," Aro cried out and clapped his hands together, "and we may commence! Ah, Edward, did I not say she would be just fine? You seem to be quite pessimistic—isn't this the second time you've been absolutely sure of your mate's death? Oh, well, I'm happy your fears didn't turn out to be true."

I shot a glance at Edward. He was glaring at Aro too, but his glare was oddly tired, as if he had no energy left to truly hate him. It wasn't just his glare—everything about Edward looked utterly worn-out and cold. It made me want to wrap my arms around him and assert that everything would be all right.

But Felix would have none of it. Even after I'd just shifted an inch he was gripping my shoulders tightly, pushing me against the ground so hard that it was sure to leave a dent behind.

When I looked up again, Aro was standing closer, just a few feet away. He looked down on me like a fisher would look upon his prize trout. Renata came scurrying after, looking much calmer than before the fight. She must have decided that we had already lost.

"There's an issue I would like to ask you about. I believe you know what it is," he said to me. His face looked terribly pale against the sun.

"If you mean I should tell you where my daughter is, you can go to Hell."

Aro sighed. "We wish your family no harm. Only your daughter is a threat." He made a motion to place his hand on my shoulder, but decided not to when I bared my teeth and growled.

"My daughter _is_ my family."

Aro narrowed his eyes for a second, and then turned his back to me and looked up at the blue sky. Not quite to my surprise, he didn't seem particularly interested in getting information. Not that he ever would. I wouldn't surrender even if he ripped my every limb off separately and threw them into a fire.

As Aro turned his back to me, a smaller figure appeared over my head. It was Jane, dressed in a slightly lighter shade of black, a dark gray. Her eyes were blazing with fury and hatred and her tiny hands were curled into fists. But there was a terrible smile on her face that reminded me of a child who has just received a present she has long wished for.

I felt a sharp stab against my shield—sharp, but not sharp enough. I repelled it easily.

Jane's smile didn't falter. "Start talking, newborn," she whispered to me. "Do you think you're safe from torture? There are many more ways to hurt you."

I refused to answer because I knew it was true.

And yet, would Aro really assent to torture? Edward had implied that he was not really interested in Renesmee—that she was just an excuse, a cover under which they could attack our coven to gain the powers they coveted.

As I looked around at my fellow captives, I noticed an evident pattern in the survivors: all were talented in some way, or otherwise connected to someone who was. Zafrina, Kate, Benjamin, Maggie, Edward and me. It couldn't be a coincidence that precisely we had been spared. It reminded me of what Elaezar had said not long ago: _"And then, once the whole coven was all but destroyed, Aro would grant a pardon to one member whose thoughts, he would claim, were particularly repentant. Always, it would turn out that this vampire had the gift Aro admired…"_

Horror engulfed me.

"If Renesmee is all you want, you can let us go. She is clearly not here," Carlisle said softly, a hint of despair still in his voice. I had a feeling he'd already had the same revelation.

"No, indeed, she is not," Aro answered, turning back to face us. I glowered at him with all the loathing I could muster. "But we have good reason to believe that young Bella has an idea of her whereabouts." He turned to me. "Hasn't she?"

I considered all my possible answers—something typical, like _"Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you"_, or something more theatrical, for example _"Over my dead body"_—but I decided that it would most insult him to stay silent.

Aro waited for the response that never came, and then pressed on. "You've hidden your secret well. Made sure no one else knew of it, not even your mate. You knew that it would be impossible for anyone to hear it from your mind." He heaved another sigh. "But you do understand that this makes everything much more difficult, don't you?"

I continued to glare at him smugly. In my peripheral vision I could see Edward glance at me with a proud smile on his face, looking less like a zombie than before. His posture was more upright and demanding now. He reminded me of a prince who'd lost his last fight and was waiting to die with his head raised high.

"Bella," Aro bemoaned. I had to stifle a smile—he sounded like a little child. "I understand you feel responsible for Renesmee, but please remember that the fate of our whole kind is in your hands. What is one life compared to hundreds, if not _thousands_ of others—"

"Renesmee is not a threat!" Edward hissed at Aro from across the field. The men in his vicinity jumped and poised themselves above him like dark watchtowers.

Aro smiled a sad smile and stepped further away from me. "We cannot know that."

Edward's glare was sharp and deadly like a knife. "Why don't you say out loud what you really want? You have no witnesses left to lie to. Everything you're after is right at your fingertips, served to you on silver plates."

Aro didn't flinch. His expression stayed exactly the same as he looked at Edward, half smiling at his accusation and half frowning life a disappointed father. But Edward's stare was just as fierce and unwavering, and there was something behind Aro's eyes—a dim glint that crackled in the sun's pitiless glare.

"My dear boy, you misunderstand my intentions. Your coven has misused my trust, attacked me, and killed many of my irreplaceable friends and allies. And yet I stand before you as a friend. I could easily have destroyed you and your coven, but I do not believe in revenge. It is sad how long-standing friendships can be broken so easily by their owners. I did not expect this unfathomable behavior from you." He shook his head. "But I can forgive."

"You make me sick," Edward replied. "How dare you twist the facts to turn them against Carlisle? He has been more lenient to you than you deserve."

"Edward," Carlisle mumbled softly. Edward cast a quick glance on him but ignored his reproof.

"Why don't we be honest in our intentions?" he said, quietly but menacingly. "I am happy Alice was smart enough to escape. Admit that all you want is Benjamin, Zafrina, and—over everything else—Bella."

Silence banished the noise from the air. For a few fleet seconds everyone just stared at Edward—some in the shock of realization, others in disbelief that Edward would be so straightforward about it. But those fleet seconds were soon over, and another sound pierced through the air.

_"I hate you!"_ a high voice squeaked. I was about to turn my head to see where it was coming from when an object flew into my side, knocking me away from Felix's grasp and into the snow.

My muscles tightened reflexively and swung at whoever my attacker was, but met with only air. When kicking and punching didn't work, I tried to roll them of me—this time with success. My opponent was surprisingly light.

I jumped to my feet and looked down. It was Jane.

"Tell them where the baby is," she screamed, and before I could make a move to attack her she was out of sight. Expecting the worst, I twirled around—but not fast enough. I was hurled off my feet yet again. I flew a few feet and then crashed against a tree. To my surprise I felt no pain, but the tree groaned beneath me and cracked, crushing a few bushes by falling sideways to the ground like a sword blade.

In the brief second I had before Jane hit me again I swept my eyes over everyone else, wondering why nobody was there to help either of us. That short glance enlightened me—Aro was holding back his guard, which in their turn was holding down my allies. Most of them were too shocked to respond anyway. Only Edward was putting up a real fight.

When Jane came running at me again, I was ready. I ducked away from her blow and—just as Emmett had taught me—slammed into her from behind when she was still recovering from missing me. We both landed hard on the ground, me on top of her. I quickly adjusted my position so that I was impossible to throw off. Jane thrashed about underneath me like a fish brought onto dry land.

"Wow, you really are useless without your power, aren't you?" I sneered, savoring in the feeling of finally doing something physical. "It must really suck to lose against a _newborn_."

Jane hissed against the snow, but made no noticeably harder effort to wrestle herself free.

But just when I was about to dig my teeth into her, a second figure blew me into the air. With my fighting instincts already activated, I could instantly identify them—it was Alec this time, right on cue to rescue his sister.

He was quicker and more composed than Jane. With one graceful motion, more agile than I'd expected, he had me pinned with my back to the ground. But as fast as he'd attacked me, he was gone again. Confused, I propped myself on my elbows and looked around.

My heart made a horrified somersault. Edward was there, fighting with Alec more capably than I could ever dream of doing myself. When I saw the transparent mist against the ground I panicked and quickly checked my shield to make sure everyone was fully protected. I had a hard time fitting it to Edward—he was moving constantly, and Alec was always dangerously close to being sucked into my protection, too.

Once I was reassured that Edward was mentally safe from the twins, I made a move to assist him against Alec, but was stopped by a cry from Zafrina.

"Bella, _Jane!_"

True enough, she was back on her feet, also getting ready to pounce on the fighting couple. I shifted my jump a few inches so that instead of flying to Edward, I flew to her.

"This is between you and me," I hissed and kicked her in the stomach. Jane staggered back.

"Absolutely," she hissed back. Her little eyes narrowed into slits.

I lifted my hand, ready to strike her for one final time, but before I could land the blow someone grabbed my arm from behind.

"The show's over," he whispered in my ear and twisted my arm behind my back so that I was unable to move. All my struggles were in vain—Felix was much too strong.

Edward, I noticed, was also being held back by someone from the guard, and perhaps more surprisingly, so were Jane and Alec. The former was still hissing and staring at me in utter hatred, her teeth bared and ready to sink into my neck.

"Please, children, calm down," Aro said disapprovingly. "Really, Jane, I am quite upset with you. I do not remember giving orders to attack."

Jane made an even more fervent effort to escape her friends' grasps. "She knows something," she hissed. "Let me wring it out of her!"

So she just wanted to be the one to get what Aro wanted? But that didn't go together with what she'd screamed just before she'd attacked me. There was no goal in her eyes other than to destroy me.

"Of course! You're just afraid of losing Aro's affection, aren't you?" I exclaimed, half to myself and half to Jane. She emitted a short, unnatural laugh but said nothing.

"Why did you let this continue for so long?" Marcus said, attracting all attention. He'd been so quiet throughout the whole thing that I'd forgotten he could talk. His bored expression was still there, only that it was—if possible—even more bored than before. He looked more than jaded now. He looked dead-tired.

Aro answered with a chuckle. It seemed to say something to Marcus because he resigned and fell back into the background.

"Yes, it was a fun little circus performance, wasn't it?" Edward jeered. "You can tell your guard to release me now. As long as no one is offending my wife, I will not be offensive myself."

With a wave of his hand, Aro signaled the guards to let go of Edward and to return to their posts. Only one stayed behind to watch over him.

"Aro, we must progress. We have already wasted too much time," Caius said, letting his fierce gaze touch on both me and Edward for a second. His lips were set in a grim line, a line so thin that it looked like it had been drawn by a pencil.

I wondered if he knew that Aro had no intention to deliver justice. There was no way Aro was letting anyone so much as scratch us—after all, we were to crown his collection of precious gems. We were valuable goods.

My thoughts were confirmed by Aro's answer. "Caius, we cannot punish these vampires. They have broken no rules."

_"Excuse me?"_ Caius barked out, angry incredulity spreading across his features. Still, a slight undertone in his voice hinted that he wasn't nearly as surprised as he pretended to be. "They have attacked us for no reason. They refuse to surrender their hybrid which is a threat to all our species. We offered them reprieve and they declined. It is clearly their decision to die for their cause."

Aro raised a hand to silence him. Never averting his gaze from Edward and me, he spoke with the same mockingly sad and sanctimonious tone that I had grown accustomed to. "Still, Caius, they have broken no rules. They attacked us merely out of defense—how can we punish them for that? We have come in great numbers and with a clear intent to destroy. It is only natural that they should feel threatened."

Caius hissed. "Enough is enough, Aro. I don't understand you anymore." He turned around to the group of gray-cloaked vampires behind him and barked out an order. "Destroy them all. _Now._"

I braced myself as the two vampires nearest to me made a move to attack, but breathed out in relief when Aro protested. "No, don't hurt them. Caius, remember our responsibilities. We must act as role models to the rest of our kind. Vengeance is not a virtue."

Suddenly, I wanted them to kill me. Although I was not suicidal, death had to be a better option than servitude. For the first time I regretted being a vampire—if I had stayed human, I could have easily killed myself before the Volturi could capture me.

To my surprise, Edward didn't seem to share my anger. His expression was distressed, miserable—and resigned. It made me remember the thoughts I'd had a few weeks ago: all the Volturi had to do to make me comply was threaten Edward, and vice versa…

I felt like crying.

"If you have no intention to punish, why are we still here?" Carlisle asked calmly. He was the only person in the field who still looked a little hopeful. But even his tone was careful, and his hope wary—he knew we didn't have much of a chance.

Aro walked over to him a laid a hand on his shoulder—earning a hiss from Edward. "My dear friend, I have an offer to make."

"Surprise, surprise," someone murmured under their breath.

Carlisle's hopeful expression vanished in an instant, but his voice was still as calm. "We are listening, my friend."

Aro straightened himself and strode to the front of the field like an actor would stride to the middle of his stage. Renata hastened to catch up with him.

"I can tell you repent your actions—" I rolled my eyes. Surprise, surprise, indeed. "—and have, in truth, not broken any rules. You refuse to give in your child's whereabouts, but that is only natural. Who would hand in their child willingly? I understand your dilemma."

Up front, Benjamin crushed Tia to his chest and closed his eyes. I let my thoughts flicker to Renesmee—my darling, sweet Renesmee—who was no doubt terrified at that very moment, holding on to Jacob for dear life. Suddenly I didn't care about what would happen to me anymore. If I could never see my daughter again, I didn't know what would become of me. At that moment, they could have beaten me with a sledgehammer and I would not have felt it.

"We have no choice but to let you go," Aro continued. Caius gasped angrily, but did not counteract. "However, I believe it is only fair to make sure you, your daughter or your allies do not prove a threat to us in the future. As proven today, we vampires are vengeful creatures. We have—unfortunately—been forced to eliminate several of your friends. Who is to say you won't attempt to avenge for them later on?"

Carlisle shook his head. "We don't want war, Aro."

"I wish I could believe you. But after today…" Aro sighed. "Your word is not enough. Nonetheless, I have a solution."

We all knew what was coming, but the news still hit us hard. It was our nightmare put to reality, our worst-case-scenario in flesh and blood. It was what Alice had known.

"If some of you were to join us," Aro spoke quietly, "perhaps you would feel less inclined to take revenge."

Everyone went silent—everyone but Edward.

"What is our other option?" he growled. "Death? Because I'd rather die than join you, and I know I'm not alone in that sentiment."

A murmured agreement swept through the field. I tried to ignore the implications of Edward's request—like the thought of seeing him ripped to pieces—and forced myself to nod.

"I can offer your daughter total amnesty," Aro replied. That silenced us all.

* * *

**A/N:**

To be continued... ;)

Any comments/critique/praise? **Don't forget to leave a review!** Thanks :)


	4. Alliance

**A/N:**

I'm sorry for taking this long to update! I wanted to publish this chapter last weekend, but it turned out that I had no spare time at all. And last week I was in Paris with my school class, obviously without internet. But I haven't forgotten, and I still have many chapters written out for you, so don't worry :) I hope this chapter will make it up to you -- it's one of my favorite ones so far!

Enjoy :)

* * *

It was so tempting.

I'd dreamed of this, of the chance to get my daughter out of harm's way for good. Total amnesty meant that she could grow up in peace—not hiding—and enjoy life the way she should. It meant that I wouldn't have to stare at the moon and stars every night and wonder whether she was still alive to see them too. I would have gone through Hell to give her that.

And here it was: the offer to go through Hell in return for Nessie's safety. Her freedom came at a high price.

If I accepted, it would mean the end of life as I knew it. Since I hated the Volturi with the force of all the anger of the world, I would no doubt start hating myself if I were part of their ranks. I would watch them kill humans—and eventually help them at it, since it was improbable that I could sustain myself if they fed right under my nose. I'd have to see Jane every day, along with all the others I couldn't stand, and address them as siblings. I shuddered at the thought of Felix and the way he'd touched me today, and knew that it would never stop. If I accepted, I would truly go through Hell.

But in this case, Hell was the better alternative. The other option involved me putting Renesmee through Hell too.

I looked away from Aro's extended hand to find Edward looking me straight in the eye. It wasn't the type of stare you give to someone when you're simply acknowledging their presence, or trying to signal something to them. His stare was one he'd never even given me before. It was more intimate than any kiss could be, more intimate than sex. The intimacy his stare evoked was how I pictured Aro's and Edward's gifts to be like when they met, when both could see every ounce of the other's inner workings as clearly as their own. This was the stare Alice had given Jasper when we'd returned home after that awful trip to Italy, only much, much stronger.

And even though he couldn't read my mind, I knew he could read my thoughts right now. I was sure they resembled his very closely.

I suddenly felt proud of Edward. The same man who'd wanted an abortion was now willing to take any measures to keep his daughter safe, even at the expense of his own freedom.

I marveled at his stare for a moment, but broke it when the intimacy started getting too hot to touch. Forcing my eyes to avert, I looked around the field to see what the rest of us were thinking. Not surprisingly, others didn't look so sure of their decision. Benjamin, for example, looked virtually nauseous with Tia in his arms.

Nevertheless, I knew that my—and Edward's, as he was the half of everything I could name mine—decision was made. I could only pray that it was enough to protect Renesmee.

"What do you say, friends?" Aro demanded. The gleam in his eyes was worse than the bonfires around us.

"For little Nessie I would do anything," Zafrina avowed without hesitation, although visibly not without some regret. "You have my allegiance."

"And mine," Benjamin asserted. He held on to Tia and whispered something softly into her ear. I hated to see Benjamin caught in a corner—as long as I'd known him, he'd been such a free spirit that I'd been sure that nothing and no one could contain him, not even the Volturi. It seemed that Renesmee could tame everyone.

Kate made no answer. She was staring forlornly at a pile of burning objects. Somewhere in the corners of my mind I found space to pity her—she'd lost her whole family today, everyone but Garrett. I could understand if she no longer wanted to stand by our side. She'd already given everything she possibly could.

My family was looking and Edward and me questioningly, waiting for our response. I grasped that all their fates were in our hands. If we decided it was best to consent, all of them would follow us without second thoughts. Only then did I realize how much I owed them. Would eternity be long enough to get even? Probably not.

"Well, you know our ans—" Edward started, but was cut off by a sudden loud noise coming from the woods around us. A thunderous howling filled the quiet field with life again. Startled, Edward's jaw dropped open when he saw who it was.

The wolves were there, all sixteen of them, each leaving a gap to the next so that they encircled the whole field. In-between stood people whom I'd never thought I'd see again: Tanya, Carmen, Elaezar, Kachiri, Charles and Makenna… nearly everyone who'd stayed to fight was there, looking as alive as ever.

Kate sprung up despite both Garrett's and a Volturi guard's hold and sprinted over to her sisters, hugging and kissing them in joy. She was laughing out loud.

"Sisters, you're alive! How… When did you… My goodness, you can't fathom my relief!"

The Denalis smiled but soon calmed her down. "The fight is far from over, Kate," Tanya reminded her. "But now we are more even."

"More even?" Kate pondered out loud. I was wondering the same when I heard a gasp from beside me.

"Yes!" Edward gasped under his breath. I nearly startled when I saw him—he looked totally transformed. The resigned look was replaced by a contagious hopeful one. I knew there was something he knew that we were not aware about—something good.

Aro looked just as startled, but recovered fast. "More friends!" he exulted, but his joy sounded genuinely false now. "How joyful of you to join us! I am glad you were not lost in the short battle."

"Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?" Benjamin interjected so quietly that I wasn't sure whether we were supposed to hear.

"_You_," Tanya replied, suddenly furious. "_You_ feel nothing but what is most convenient for you. Did you think you could fool my friends into joining your little army by letting them believe we were dead?"

"How sad of you to think so, dearest Tanya. Mark my words, if I had had even the slightest notion that you were still alive I would have shared the wonderful news with all your friends. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one…"

"Just shut it, Aro," Benjamin said, this time loud and clear. His usually blithe eyes were dark with revulsion.

Aro seemed unable to react. I could tell that he'd been brought off his course—which most likely happened to him only very rarely.

Once the first ecstasy of sudden hope passed, I started having doubts again. We were still seriously outnumbered; Aro could just capture the rest too and continue with his plan. He could make them the same offer and chase them into a corner, just like the rest of us. Nothing had changed about our situation.

"Aro, perhaps you would like to repeat your offer," Edward called out to him, still looking hopeful. Did he not see the holes in the plan?

"Excuse me?" Aro inquired, looking lost. Beside him Caius was gathering the Volturi guard around himself warily, looking angry and incredulous. Marcus was numbly idle, apparently not caring a fig for what was happening. I brooded over how such a characterless person could have made it to the top of vampire hierarchy.

Edward didn't answer Aro's question, but gestured towards the skirts of the field. I followed his gaze.

More vampires were emerging from between the trees. They came to sight slowly, as if they were afraid of the sun. But as I focused my eyes I saw that it was not fear on their faces that made them slow—it was incredulity, distrust, and, above all, conviction. There were dozens of them.

"These friends here would like to see for themselves how the Volturi delivers justice," Tanya explained triumphantly. "Please, don't let us bother you. Act as if we were not here."

Aro's eyes went wide when he took in the amount of new witnesses. All together, they outnumbered his guard by far. It looked as though every vampire on this side of the world had assembled in Forks.

And then I understood the ingenious plan. Tanya and the others were using Aro's biggest weakness, his need of a clean public image, against him. As long as these vampires were here to witness his actions, he could do nothing unjust.

Now, instead of us being caught in a corner, _he'd_ been chased into one.

"Let me help you find the thread again," Edward said gleefully. "You were just about to offer amnesty to an innocent child by binding her gifted parents to yourself, correct?"

Aro looked like a deer caught in the spotlights. He stood there for a long while, unsure of what to do. I decided that even if we ended up losing after all, those few seconds of distress were worth dying for.

"Well? May we give our answer?" Edward pushed on.

"I… suppose," Aro answered. Now that he'd recovered, he looked more annoyed than afraid.

"If we refuse, we are free to go, am I right?" Edward smiled. "After all, _we've_ broken no rules."

Aro stared at him. After a while, the stare turned into the first honest manifestation of emotion that I'd ever seen from him—a glare.

"Absolutely." His voice clashed against his expression.

"Well, then our answer is no." Edward attempted to stand up, but was pushed back down by a guard. He looked up at him, annoyed. "Excuse me," he said.

Aro looked at them blankly for a few seconds and then dismissed his guards with a wave of his hand, obviously more than irritated. By some miracle we'd managed to hurt his pride, and that was not something Aro was accustomed to.

Caius, on the other hand, didn't even try to conceal his irritation—or rather outright anger. "Idiot!" he barked out, looking at Aro as if he had broken his favorite game console. "I have indulged your behavior for more than a millennium, and yet you continue to treat me as if I didn't exist. This time—"

Caius never had time to finish what he was saying because he was waved off by Aro, who looked him sternly in the eye. "Caius."

With some effort Caius managed to swallow his words, but his expression remained livid. Could this be the break in their ranks we'd been hoping for?

The rest of the guards were puzzled. Judging by their faces, the Volturi had never been in this kind of situation before, a situation where they had to play by somebody else's rules. Waiting for a clear command, they all looked questioningly at Aro.

When the command finally came, it did not straighten their confusion.

"Friends, come," Aro spoke impassively, "we have no more business here."

A low mumbling filled the field as the guard took in his order, casting bewildered looks at each other. Nobody moved.

And as the whole Volturi Guard puzzled over the bizarre situation, I realized one thing: they were paying no attention to _us_. Even Felix was angrily whispering with another of his friends and had loosened his grip of me enough that I could easily wriggle myself free. Aro stood in the middle of the field, totally unprotected apart from Renata, who was no more concentrated than the rest of them.

This was the one-million-dollar chance, my unique shot at the jackpot.

So I bent down an inch away from Felix's shoulder, so that I would have a better position to attack. I closed my eyes for a second and saw Renesmee looking back at me, scared and lonely at some bus stop in the rain. Hatred flared up inside of me again. I _needed_ to do it.

But just as I was going to attack, a sudden movement from my right made me forget my plans.

Edward was soaring through the air, silent as a bomb, flying straight towards a fixed target—Demetri.

"This is for my family," he hissed just as he hit him. Demetri yelled out in shock and flew hard onto the ground.

Gasping in shock, the people around them backed away from the pair as if they were afraid of getting hurt themselves. And I couldn't blame them—Edward was outraged. His otherwise gentle eyes were black as cold and hard as stone, and the hands that normally caressed me were deadly claws. His teeth seemed sharper than usual in his fury, and they were aimed for Demetri's throat.

I suddenly realized how stupid my plan was—I'd wanted to attack the wrong person! Aro might have been the figurehead of all my misery, but Demetri was the true threat. If he was eliminated, I would never have to worry about my daughter again. As long as he was in the world, she could not be safe.

I broke myself free from Felix who was too distracted to react on time and rushed over to help. Demetri was not an inexperienced fighter, and Edward was struggling to stay on top as he twisted and turned in the snow. He expertly dodged all of Edward's attacks, and I could tell it was only a matter of time until he'd break free and return the favor…

"Stop him!" Aro cried out, gesturing wildly at his guards to put an end to the scene. The first glimpse of real fear was visible in his eyes—he was afraid of losing one of his best assets, the man who could bring him whomever he wanted whenever he needed. But his guard was either too confused or too scared to care. Nobody came to Demetri's aid.

I made an attempt to grab Demetri's head to hold it in place for Edward. But instead of connected with his head, my hand only touched his mouth—and his teeth with it, teeth that snapped closed with my hand in between. I gasped and pulled my hand away. In the brilliant light of the sun I could see a dent where Demetri had bitten me in my sparkly skin.

This only made Edward more furious. He suddenly doubled his efforts, and was soon firmly in control again.

All of a sudden I sensed movement around us. Somewhere in our vicinity people were shifting away, someone was yelling, and frightened murmurs filled the air. I dimly perceived that Caius was the one who was yelling, ordering his people to retreat. In response the Volturi Guard was leaving the scene, cowardly running away from the danger and abandoning their companion. Sadistically, I pictured Aro's expression. I wondered if he would accept the indignity of being forced to leave his best man behind.

Edward's teeth were inches away from the crucial spot at Demetri's throat. The latter was giving up, presumably accepting that his mates would not be saving him from his fate. My spirit danced at the thought of killing him.

"Edward, stop!"

Demetri's spirits were leaving him—the fight was practically over. Just a few more seconds and he would be out of our way…

"_Edward!_ Leave him be. He is not responsible for all this."

What was that familiar voice? My hazy mind failed to recognize it.

_"Stop."_

Out of the blue, Carlisle was there, holding Edward's arms back and speaking something into his ear. He wrapped his arms around his torso and hauled him off Demetri, a movement which made them both sink onto the snowy grass. Edward growled fiercely and clawed at the restraint.

I realized what was happening an instant too late. I emitted a loud "No!" and made a surge for Demetri's neck, but was stopped by another pair of arms that pushed me to the ground. Agonized, I watched Demetri shrug the snow off his shoulders, stand up, and make a run for the shelter of the trees.

"Let me go!" I yelled at whoever was holding me—Emmett, I guessed by the scent and thickness of the arms. He didn't even loosen his grip.

Somewhere beside me, Edward was putting up an even bigger fight. "Get _off_ me, Carlisle," he hissed venomously, kicking against the man who was like a father to him. "This is not your call. Let me finish my job!"

"No, Edward," Carlisle told him. His voice was gentle but firm. "They gave up. Respect their right to leave."

_"Get off!" _Edward screamed.

I'd stopped struggling to listen to their fight. It was unreal, hearing Edward speak like this to his father. There was nothing friendly in his tone—it reminded me of how he'd spoken to Aro.

Realizing that I'd given up, Emmett carefully slackened his hold. Once he was satisfied that I would not jump up and run after Demetri, he straightened himself and held a hand out to me, a remorseful expression on his face. "Sorry," he said.

I knocked his hand away in disgust and stood up on my own, relishing how it deepened that look of remorse.

On the floor, Edward had stopped kicking. Carlisle charily let go off him, ready to pounce again if necessary. His face was a mask of sadness.

"You don't understand," Edward said to him. His voice was cruel.

Carlisle shook his head. "Edward, we cannot disrespect the rules any more than they can. The Volturi chose to retreat—we cannot—"

"You don't believe that yourself."

He jumped up but made no move to go after Demetri. His face was void of emotion.

Carlisle looked at him cautiously. "I do, Edward."

Edward barked out a humorless, cruel laugh. "Of course you do. You've never had to make priorities. To you life is one endless courtroom where everything works by its laws. You'd push your own child off a cliff if the laws demanded it."

Carlisle's face blanched. "You know that's not true, son."

_"Stop calling me that," _Edward bellowed. Somewhere in the distance, Esme gasped.

"Demetri will find Renesmee and kill her," he continued in a quieter tone, but with no less hatred in his voice. "You couldn't possibly understand what that means to me, as you've never had a child. As far as I'm concerned, you've just helped him commit murder." Carlisle opened his mouth as if to say something, but seemed to change his mind.

Edward's hands rolled into fists. "I hope you enjoy the feeling," was the last thing he said before turning his back to him and walking away.

I looked at my broken family and wondered what I'd done to deserve this. Then I just dashed after him.

* * *

**A/N:**

Don't you think it's annoying how none of the characters ever argue with each other in Twilight? You'd think a crazy family like the Cullens would have at least some discord every now and then.

As always, I'd love to hear what you're thinking. **So be sure to leave a review!** Thanks :)


	5. Entries and Exits

**A/N:**

Finally, the next chapter. Thank you for being so patient!

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my Autumn Break started this week, and I'm hoping to finish writing this story during that time. The bad news is that I'm going to Venice next week and won't have time to update until Thursday. But I _will_ try to update on the weekend before we go, so there won't be a too big delay :)

Enjoy chapter 5!

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"May I come in, Bella?"

Startled by the voice, I jumped up. I felt like I had been dragged out of a hole in time and felt the minutes weighing down on me again like boulders, heavy and unrelenting. How many days had passed? One? Ten?

"Bella?" the voice inquired. Someone tapped gently on the bolted door.

"Just one sec," I answered, surprised that I could make a sound, and strained to get up. The room was dimly lit so everything looked like shadows, but the light was still enough for my vampire eyes to see. For a moment I contemplated drawing back the curtains to let some sunshine into the room, but finally decided I couldn't face it. Sunshine was too happy.

I slipped off the bed onto the floor—flinching at the tiny thump it made—and steadied myself. I couldn't believe that I was feeling like this. This faintness was what I'd expected to feel as a human and never again as a vampire, and yet something was clouding my vision and weakening my knees.

Once I let my ears focus on their surroundings for the first time since I'd locked myself in my room, I heard a soft breathing from the other side of the door. Someone was still patiently waiting for me to open it.

I made my way slowly across the dark room, jumping over some inanimate objects on the floor. Books, I realized. Books and broken vases.

It took me just a second to open the bolt, and only that long because I hesitated. I wasn't sure that I wanted to talk to anyone at the moment.

I let the door spring open. Shielding my eyes from the light in the hallway, I saw Esme waiting for me on the other side with a sincere look on her face.

"Bella," she sighed, sounding almost relieved. I attempted a weak smile and failed.

"May I come in?" she asked again softly with a sad smile. I realized that I was blocking the doorway and reluctantly stepped to the side.

As soon as Esme was in, I shut the door again. The hallway lights were too bright and cheerful for my mood, and the sounds that came from the downstairs living room were upsetting—people arguing and people sobbing.

Esme sat on the bed and looked at me in a way that demanded nothing. I decided then that if I had to let one person into my room, she was the best option. But there was something off about her too—Esme's usually kind expression was one of sadness now, and her posture was as limp as the thick black pullover she was wearing.

She looked over me unhappily, making me feel slightly self-conscious. I realized I was still wearing the heavy blanket that Edward had wrapped around my shoulders, but even though I was sure it made me look like a homeless person, I didn't have the heart to drop it.

"Bella," Esme said quietly, "are you all right?"

I shrugged. "Not really."

Esme looked at me understandingly. She put her arms around her chest and hugged herself. "Nobody is fine right now."

I nodded. After all, what could I say to a statement like that? Especially since it was mostly my fault that nobody was fine.

"Carlisle especially is very miserable," Esme continued. I instantly knew what she was hinting at—in fact, I'd known it even before she'd entered the room. I looked down at the floor and started counting the floorboards.

"Bella," Esme sighed again and stood up. With one stride she was in front of me, hugging me against her chest. I tensed at first, but soon her warmth was enough to make me melt into her affection. I leaned against her chest and buried my face into her clothes, still holding on to that heavy blanket for dear life with both my hands.

"We'll think of something," Esme assured me. "There's not a place in the world they could go that would make them lost forever. We'll turn over every stone if the need be."

I nodded again. The words would have helped, had I not known that I'd wished precisely this to happen—for _them_ to go underground forever, eternally out of everyone's reach. It was so cruelly ironic.

"But we have to do this as a family," Esme asserted.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and tried to drown in the flood of my emotions. "I know," I whispered. "I know, but I can't."

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay. I know how you feel, and believe me—one day you'll notice that you _can_. It just takes some time."

I simply shook my head. There was no way I was ever recovering from this. It was all too much for anyone to bear.

Esme loosened her grip a little to look me in the face. Her expression had suddenly shifted into one of desperation, the complete opposite of what she was trying to talk into me. The sides of her lips were hanging down.

"Please, Bella, could you try to talk to him?" she pleaded with me forlornly. "Carlisle hasn't smiled in days. He just sits in his office without doing anything—not reading, not talking, hardly even breathing. When I try to get him to get out he just says that he should stay there and wait."

"Wait… for Edward?" I asked meekly, unable to imagine what Esme was describing to me. Carlisle wasn't the type of person to lose his head. It was improbable that anything could have affected him this way.

"Yes," Esme whispered. She drew her arms back to hug herself again. "I've never seen him like this, so… traumatized. And over everything else, he feels guilty and torn between his two sides. He knows that you have every reason in the world to hate him, and yet he wouldn't change what he's done. He stands behind his decision."

I tried to suppress the burst of anger that inflamed inside of me, but it was no use—I couldn't deny that there was a part of me that was angry with Carlisle. Part of me would never understand why he would let a serious threat run free, why he had ruined Renesmee's chances of survival. But a far bigger part of me had already forgiven him, as I had no energy left to hate.

"I've tried looking for Edward, but he keeps avoiding me," Esme continued, looking at the window drapes as if she could see right through them. "He's loitering in the woods doing God-knows-what. I'm just grateful he's here at all."

"In the woods?" I was surprised. I'd thought that he'd left for good. He'd said he would…

"Yes," Esme responded. "But like I said, he won't listen to any of us."

"I can't help you," I told her sadly, pulling the blanket closer to myself. It was difficult to take in that despite everything we'd said to each other, Edward was still so close. All this time I had thought of him as lost forever, just like Renesmee.

Esme remained persisting. "He admires you. There's not a person in the world he would listen to more. If you could just—"

"He won't listen to me." I shook my head and tried to erase any thoughts of dashing into the woods right there and then. "Not any more than Carlisle is listening to _you_ right now. He's shut me completely out."

Esme's brows furrowed. And then, as if perceiving her surroundings for the first time, she looked around and noticed the disheveled state of my room. The shelf of CDs was still knocked over and its contents spread across the floor—hundreds of irreplaceable classics that were no doubt in useless shatters now. Our clothes were scattered all over the place, some completely torn or ripped in two. Esme's eyes widened at the sight.

"What happened here?" she asked unevenly.

I closed my eyes only to find the images staring back at me more strongly than before—the images of Edward yelling at me and throwing furniture across the room, and of my own hands doing the same and my own voice screaming back. I opened my eyes again quickly before it had time to get any worse.

Esme was looking at my curiously, waiting for an answer. "We had an argument," I explained shakily.

_Hell of an argument_, anyone else would have said, but of course Esme couldn't be that bold. She simply glanced around herself again and shook her head.

Suddenly, the desire to tell her everything overwhelmed me. I fell into her arms again and hugged her closer than I ever had before, letting the blanket drop to the floor. Esme was startled at first, but was soon hugging me back with equal ferocity. "We've never fought like this before," I whispered. "He was—he was _furious_. And in a way, I was too. Or I wasn't really furious at him, but furious at life in general, and he just happened to be there and I had to scream at _someone_…"

Esme patted me on the shoulder, slowing my erratic talking down. "Start from the beginning, Bella. I can't follow you."

I drew in a deep breath and started again. "When we came home from the—the battle, we didn't say a word. But we were still pretty much normal—he was hugging me, and we were consoling each other… the way it's supposed to be, you know?

"But after a while Edward started talking, and not about kind things. He talked about… murder and revenge." I fought against the images in my mind, the images of a cold and stone-hard Edward proclaiming death to everyone who'd ever stood in his way. "I was shocked. He'd never been so fierce before, or so hateful. He said he'd _kill_ Carlisle."

Esme gasped and pulled away. Her eyes were like whirlpools, swirling with confusion. I suddenly regretted having told her of Edward's mad state.

I hurried to continue. "At first I thought he was only very angry and he'd get over it soon, but when he wouldn't stop I started contradicting him. I said that we couldn't find Renesmee if we only murdered everyone else in our family. Then he said I was a coward if I didn't want to protect my child in any way I could. He said I was just like Carlisle. So I got angry too and started screaming back at him, saying that he was acting like a monster…"

I clamped my mouth shut before I got to the worst part—the part where I'd just stopped doing anything at all and he'd come to me with a remorseful expression, and how I'd just blocked him out instead of trying to talk it over. He'd wrapped the blanket around me and kissed me on the forehead, saying that he was sorry and that he would fix it. And what had I done? _Ignored_ him.

By hindsight, I realized that I should have stopped him right then. Maybe if I'd made him stay just long enough to talk I could have shaken both of us back into our senses.

But I'd just let him go.

"Bella," Esme said, sounding out of breath. "He was only talking when he said he'd hurt Carlisle, right?"

I looked at her. She was hugging herself again and standing as still as a statue, a reaction that I'd come to notice was similar to that of humans trembling.

"I don't know," I admitted, although every rational part of me was screaming in protest. I knew Edward, and he would never, ever hurt Carlisle no matter what came between them. But then again, I'd hardly known the murderous Edward who had started yelling at me.

"I'm sure he was. Edward would never do such a thing," Esme declared, clearly trying to convince herself more than me. She looked at the curtained window again and seemed to get lost in thought.

"The situation is worse than I thought," she finally said without looking at me. "But there has got to be something we can do. We have to stop Edward before he does anything that he'll regret. If we want to find Renesmee and Jacob we'll need his mind-reading—maybe they've left a trail in people's thoughts. We'll have to work as a team… a family."

_A family_. I gulped. The overwhelming fear for my daughter washed over me again, numbing all other emotion. I knew I couldn't wait out eternity like this, and that I couldn't rest until I had her securely in my arms again—but I couldn't find her on my own.

The image of the sweet Edward who'd come to kiss me at the end of our fight filled my mind again. He'd clearly forgiven me—maybe, just maybe, he was capable of listening to me if I tried again. This time I would avoid the mistake of heating up. This time I would know what I was facing.

"Esme," I said wearily, "I'll try to talk to him. Maybe he's calmed down. I can't—_we_ can't continue like this. We're all behaving like little children."

My mother looked at me and smiled a tiny smile. She let her hands drop from her sides to grip mine. "Thank you, Bella," she replied. "We owe you."

I shook my head. "You don't owe me anything." In fact, I didn't think I could ever pay _them_ back.

Esme smiled for one last time and left, thankfully closing the door behind her again. I was once again alone in the darkness, caught between my misery and my knowledge of what I had to do next. The thought of sulking in my room forever was tempting, but I knew I couldn't do it. Not when my daughter was in danger of others, and my husband in danger of himself.

I forced my legs to move to the curtained window. The light was bright enough to overcome the thick material so I knew the sun still had to be shining. What irony—the sun was shining in Forks on the one day I wished it wouldn't. I didn't want to see the rainbows dancing on my skin.

Unsurely, I pushed one curtain slightly to the side. Instantly a bright beam of light entered through the crack and reflected off my skin, send another beam to the wall. I winced with the light—the sun was so much brighter than the artificial lights in our hallway. So much happier.

After giving myself a few seconds to get used to it, I pulled the other curtain completely aside. I now had a clear view of our backyard and the forest that stretched out behind it. My nerves tingled at the thought that Edward was hiding somewhere beneath that copious canopy.

As I didn't want to face anyone else today, I decided to avoid using the front door. After all, the Cullens had always used the windows as entries or exits just as much as the doors. My only fear was that somebody would be looking right outside the living room window when I jumped—I didn't want to see anyone.

Pushing the window pane to the side, I took a deep breath of the musky outdoor air. It could have just been my imagination, but I thought I could smell a little bit of Edward in it—a bit of sunshine and moonlight mixed together. The wind blew into my face and seemed to carry the dirt away. For some odd reason, I felt like smiling.

And then I jumped.

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**A/N:**

As I said, I'll do my best to update this weekend :) The chapter's already written, so it shouldn't take that long.

**As always, keep the reviews coming in!** I appreciate it :D


	6. Trails

**A/N:**

I'm back! And updating at the first chance, as I promised.

I know I promised to update once _before_ I left too, and I'm sorry for not doing it. On Sunday I was running all over the place looking for my stuff that I needed for the trip. I honestly didn't have any time at all to update. But the good news is that I only have a few more chapters left to write and should have time this week to finish the entire story :)

Anyway, enjoy chapater six! :D

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The first thing I did was run into the shelter of the trees, securely away from the living room's large windows. It only took me an instant, but I could still feel someone watching me through the glass—and that someone probably knew where I was going. I wondered whether Edward wanted anyone to know where he was keeping cover. I decided to be careful just in case.

The second thing I did was close my eyes. The sunlight was so clear that it choked me up, as if the light somehow made the air thicker, making it hard for me to inhale it. But I could sense the sparkling brilliance even through my eyelids and gave up the exercise, telling myself that I would just have to get used to it.

Once I was somewhat in control of myself again, I looked around. The forest looked just like it always had—impenetrable and dreamlike. A stone seemed to form inside my stomach when I realized that I had hardly any chance of finding Edward in there, especially if he was _trying_ to not be found. Already I was at loss of what to do. Which way had he gone? Was he in the vicinity of the house or further away? Where should I look first?

And then I noticed it.

Human eyes would probably not have detected the minor changes in the pattern of the leaves, but Edward had taught me to hunt using not only my hearing and sense of smell, but my eyes too. The treaded ground indicated that a light animal like a deer had passed through there—except that no animals ever dallied near our house. Their instincts told them to stay far away.

Of course it could have been left by one of us while hunting, but the trail looked fresh and as far as I knew none of us had left the house for days. It _had_ to be left by Edward.

Without thinking, I started following it. My legs carried me like the wind, and I was surprised by how light it was to run despite how heavy I felt. It was relieving to do something physical after lying down for so many days—I could now see why Edward might have wanted to come here into the open instead of suffocating in our tiny room. He loved running more than I did.

The trail zigzagged through the trees and bushes, and I could feel the ground being trampled again beneath my feet as I passed. My oversensitive hearing picked out the tiniest of noises: soil being pushed deeper into the ground, the wind hitting the trunks of trees, little insects scurrying underneath dead leaves. I wouldn't have been surprised if I could have heard the grass grow.

Even though I was sure the trail would end soon and leave me lost again, it went on for miles and miles without interruption. Sometimes I had to stop when the track became too faint to see clearly or when the ground was too hard to leave footsteps, but after some searching I always found it again a few feet off. From time to time there seemed to be a long gap in the path—I assumed Edward must have jumped there, for whatever reason. Maybe he was trying to cover his tracks the best he could in his hurry. Maybe he wanted to feel no ground under his feet. Maybe he wasn't jumping at all and I was just imagining things.

I kept waiting for a sign of him somewhere, a sign like a dead animal or torn piece of cloth. But, of course, Edward would never be that sloppy. Apart from the trail there was nothing to suggest that someone had been there. I started getting doubts—maybe I was following a deer after all, or one of my own trails that I'd left long ago. It was cocky of me to think that I, a newborn, could outwit Edward, my teacher and practically a veteran. For every trick I knew he knew a counter-trick, and for every hour I'd spent learning he'd had two years. Why was I even bothering?

But once I reached a small clearing in the woods, I saw something that made me sure of who I was following: a tree trunk with a long gash in it. When I drew nearer I noted that the cut was uneven and torn, which suggested it had been made with someone's nails. I took a sniff of it: the gash smelled of sunshine and moonlight.

I picked up my pace a notch until I was running as fast as I could without losing the trail. Edward's scent was getting more noticeable each minute, and with it my excitement. For a moment I forgot that it was a mad Edward I was chasing after instead of the one I loved over everything else in the world. For a moment I forgot even Renesmee. All I could see were two topaz eyes in front of me.

I must have been very far away from home. The landscape was becoming ever more uneven, and I could see some large mountains in the distance, as well as some plants that I was sure didn't grow in Forks. Had I already crossed the border to Canada? But I had only been running for a few minutes!

Suddenly my ears picked out a noise that did not belong in the forest—a sigh. As if on cue, my legs stopped running and I halted in the middle of the track, impulsively pricking my ears and tensing all over.

Unfortunately, my halt wasn't exactly quiet. The voice that had sighed stopped breathing too and fell instantly silent. Nothing was audible anymore except the sounds of nature.

Not wanting him to take off again, I tried to take one step towards the noise, but flinched when my footfall made a terrible cracking noise. The forest floor was covered by dry leaves and twigs. I realized I'd have to be able to fly to get over them silently.

My footstep didn't go unnoticed. I could hear his knees buckle a little and his hand touch the ground—he was crouching. And ah, the smell! I had to use every ounce of my power not to gulp the air in masses.

"Who's there?" a voice grumbled. Despite its hostile tone it sounded heavenly.

I wished he would breathe again. If I knew his scent this well, he had to know mine too…

"It's me," I choked out. "Bella."

At first he didn't answer, but he did draw in a shaky breath and get up from his crouch.

"Bella?" he asked after a moment, his voice oddly unsteady.

"Yes," was my feeble answer.

Suddenly I heard footsteps approaching me. They were slow and careful, but fast enough to make me panic. I abruptly realized who I was about to see—the crazed Edward, the man I didn't know at all. The man who, instead of making me feel better, made me feel ten times worse. Fear gripped me like a vice.

"Bella," he said again, this time not as a question, but as if he were stating an unbelievable fact. The footsteps quickened their pace.

Soon a white figure emerged between two thick oaks, shedding off light like the moon at its fullest. Edward's eyes swept over my body but rested almost instantly on my face, full of emotions that I couldn't even start to decipher. His clothes were a little dirty from the folds, but otherwise he looked unscratched. To my big relief the murderous look was gone from Edward's eyes again and had been replaced by one of a more familiar remorse.

"How did you find me?" he asked. It didn't sound like an accusation, but more like the fact pleased him.

"I followed the trail you left in the bushes," I replied carefully, "just like you taught me to."

Edward smiled pensively. "I'm proud of you. I was sure even Jasper wouldn't be able to follow it."

His mentioning of Jasper was a mistake—we were both immediately reminded of our situation and frowning again. Edward closed his eyes for a second before looking back at me.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, his voice now void of any emotion. I gulped—I didn't feel half as sure of myself as I had when I was running.

Since I couldn't think of any more pleasant topic to start with, I decided to be forthright.

"I think we both know what I need," I told him. "We should talk."

My words triggered a minimal change in his expression—either positive or negative, I couldn't tell. Edward nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "All right."

I hadn't expected such a short response from him. I'd thought—and hoped—that he would do some more drastic like start shouting at me again or sink onto his knees, but instead he seemed completely nonchalant, as if my want to talk affected him in no way. It took me off guard—I was at loss for words.

"I'm sorry I screamed at you," I finally choked out for lack of finding any better words. If my eyes had been capable of forming tears, my face would have been soaking wet. "I-I was angry and not in control of myself. Forgive me."

To my surprise Edward's expression seemed to lighten up by light-years. He lowered his arms and puckered his eyebrows. "You have no need to apologize. I was angry too, but since you are a newborn your anger must have been tenfold. _I'm_ sorry. I started it."

"You are?" I asked meekly. Edward was looking at me the way he used to—with adoration, and not with anger. He was the man I'd married again, and not the monster he'd become for those few horrible minutes.

Edward frowned. "Of course. You don't believe me?" He suddenly took two long strides forward until he was standing directly in front of me. I was blinded by his light. "I've been repenting everything I said ever since I left that room. It was monstrous and cruel of me. There was nothing I wanted more than to take you back into my arms and take the hurt I'd caused away. But—but I was afraid you wouldn't let me."

He had to force the last sentence out. It surprised me—Edward never projected his pain into his voice, but now his tone was clearly agonized. It made me want to crush myself against his chest. And it wasn't just his tone—he sounded normal again, like _my_ Edward. Like the man who didn't pronounce his father dead.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, "all you'd had to do is come to me."

And with that I grabbed his hand with both of my own and crushed it tight. Edward closed his eyes as though he was savoring the touch and wrapped his other hand's fingers around mine. "Forgive me," he sighed under his breath.

I freed one of my hands and carefully placed it on his cheek, and then stopped to wait for his reaction. Edward opened his brilliant eyes—dark mahogany, and not the red that I'd for some reason imagined—and looked at me like the hazy memory of our wedding day.

"Will you?" he urged on.

I answered by rising to my tiptoes and pressing my lips against his.

He responded instantly. Dropping my hands and encircling my waist instead, he pulled me impossibly close, so close that I thought I could feel his nerves tingle. I tangled my hands into his messy hair and pulled at it so hard that it should have ripped out. Our noses got into the way as we kissed, but neither of us minded—the feeling was too intoxicating to allow for any other thoughts to enter our heads. Was I really a vampire now? I'd felt no different as a human… Before Renesmee came to speed everything up…

Renesmee. The image of her tore my feelings away from my body and left nothing but an empty hole and a bundle of nerves. I pulled back from Edward and gasped out her name.

Edward let go reluctantly, but his fearful expression soon mirrored mine.

"You're right. We shouldn't be kissing while she's still in danger."

I nodded. Now that the initial shock was over, I felt the importance of being there more than ever. I wasn't here to make amends; I had to convince him to help us find her…

"Edward, we have to do something," I said firmly and took his hand tightly in mine, refusing to let him take a single step away from me. Edward nodded and looked up at the sky.

"I'm working on it."

"Working on what?" I asked uneasily. How much of what he'd said to me in his anger did he intend to put into action?

"I've been piecing a plan together," he replied without looking at me, in a tone that would have sounded normal in any other circumstances. "I've decided that it's best to start at the clearing, where they were last seen. I didn't see where exactly they headed, but there was only one possible escape route—the east. Jacob's wolf form is large, so they've probably left a trail there that we can follow. Once we reach civilization, we might find someone who has seen them—" Edward tapped his forehead. "If someone knows where they are, we'll know too."

I suddenly felt as light as a feather. A huge weight was lifted off my heart—so this was his plan! It was perfect and peaceful and exactly what I'd had in mind. This was _my_ Edward's plan. Now I felt stupid for ever having believed that he would be planning anything else.

"Oh, Edward!" I cried out in relief. "You have no idea how anxious I've been about you. We all thought you were about to do something stupid."

Edward looked at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

I clasped my hands together and took a deep breath. I knew I was about to tread a topic I would rather have left out. "Esme came to me today. She's worried about the family, especially… Carlisle."

Just as I thought he would, Edward reacted badly to the name. His eyes were clouded by anger again and his lips set into a grim line, his stance tensing. It scared me.

"Really?" he said through his teeth. I nodded and tensed up too, waiting for an explosion.

It didn't come.

"Of course she's worried," was all he said. "Maybe I should call at some point to tell her that we're okay. This is a very hard time for us all—"

"Actually, we were hoping you'd return home to us," I cut him off shyly and instantly wished I hadn't been so bold. There was nothing but hostility in him at the mention of Carlisle's name.

Edward's eyes shifted to me, hard as stone. He said nothing for a second but simply stared at me, searching for something in my face, his arms crossed tightly over his chest and his jaw rigid. The look in his eyes was confusing—he seemed to be wavering between two options, perplexed as to what he should do. I stared back timidly, hoping that my expression showed him what I wanted him to do.

"We could use some help," I reminded him.

Finally, Edward closed his eyes and let out a strained sigh. "All right," he said. "I'll come home. For you and Renesmee."

I sighed too—relieved beyond words—and hugged myself against his chest once more. He put his arms around me after a while and kissed my hair, gradually softening again.

"Thank you," I simply said. Edward breathed out but nodded against my hair.

When I was sure he was somewhat normal again, I decided that he was in a good enough mood to talk about the topic that I'd wanted to avoid. Cautiously, I raised my head to look at his face and assessed his expression. It seemed calm enough.

"He's very sorry, you know," I said, choosing my words with care. "Esme said he hasn't gone out in days."

Edward's jaw snapped shut again, but he thankfully didn't pull away.

"I'm not happy with what he did either," I continued, "but he hardly deserves to be racked in guilt over it all. We can't let the Volturi destroy our family—it's what they've wanted from the very beginning. Don't let them break our ranks."

He said nothing, but his irises were swirling again, telling me that he wasn't rejecting the thought right away. I urged on.

"Maybe you should just give him a chance… _Talk_ to him—"

_"No."_ Edward voice was resolute and firm, making all my hopes wash down the drain.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and then tried to see the light side of it. After all, Edward hadn't rebuffed me right away. Maybe he just needed a little time.

"Okay then," I told him, trying to sound light. "Don't talk to him yet. He won't go anywhere—you still have plenty of time to forgive him."

Edward's fierce look contradicted me, but he said nothing and didn't turn away. I smiled at him—and he smiled faintly back. Most of the shadows in his eyes had already cleared.

"Let's go home, then," I said to Edward, savoring the realization that I'd be going home with _him_. Edward took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second, and then nodded.

"All right," he said. "Let's go home."

* * *

**A/N:**

The story is _not finished yet_!! Nessie, Alice, and Jasper are still missing, remember? Stay tuned :)

**And please review!** I appreciate every voice I hear :)


	7. Worrisome Love

**A/N:**

Here it is: the next chapter edited and posted quickly, just like I promised. Must be a first! Enjoy! :)

* * *

I wasn't really aware of my surroundings as we walked back to the house—all I could feel was Edward's hand in mine, all I could see was his white skin reflecting the sunlight, and all I could hear was his steady breathing and his nimble footsteps.

And then there was all that I couldn't see or hear around me. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw Renesmee staring back at me, scared and alone, and each time it drove another dagger through my already unbeating heart. It was as if I had a wall that ran crossways through my mind, and the two people I loved most in the world lived on either side of it, making it impossible to reconcile the desire and the loss. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten that Edward was part of Renesmee's life too.

Those thoughts continued to swirl in my head as we slowly approached our home. After some confusion we'd settled into a brisk jog—neither of us wanted to face the rest of the family, but at the same time we felt Renesmee's minutes slipping away and couldn't bear the thought of just walking.

Because of this slow speed it took us a while to get back. The sunlight was already dimming when we finally reached the perimeter of our house, its reddish glow preparing for sunset, and for a swift second I imagined how romantic it would be without all the worries looming over us all the time. It was funny how happiness seemed to go hand-in-hand with misery.

Once the house finally came into view—looking ironically peaceful with its creamy colors and large windows—Edward suddenly stopped and squeezed my hand so tightly that it should have crushed the bones. I twirled around to see what was wrong.

Edward had heavy shadows under his eyes and cheekbones. For the first time ever I realized how much he looked like a vampire—a real one, the kind you only see in horror movies. I wondered if I looked like that.

"What's wrong?" I asked him uneasily, worried that he'd changed his mind about returning home. Edward simply gazed out towards the house with pitch-black eyes. No, not pitch-black—when I looked closer I saw that his irises were pools swirling with emotion. They were black ink.

Eventually, Edward shook his head and continued walking across the lawn wordlessly.

"Nothing," he said. "I was just… no, it was nothing."

I pursed my lips. Since when was he the one keeping secrets?

"Tell me, Edward. I can see something's wrong."

Edward turned his head to the side to look at me but didn't stop. His hand was still crushing mine.

"I'm nervous, that's all," he stated and turned his gaze away. Was it just me or did I hear some embarrassment in his voice?

"It's okay, you know," I told him. "I'm nervous too. It's normal."

"Not for me," Edward immediately countered, startling me with the fierceness of his voice. He was still refusing to look at me. "I never used to be nervous—not even when I returned home after my years of rebellion. Of course I felt remorse and shame, but never nervousness. It's just not the way I work. What use is it to feel nervous about something if it's going to happen anyway? But now, ever since I met _you_—" Edward's jaw muscles tightened. "—ever since I met _you_, nervousness seems to be my second nature. All I do is worry all the time! About you getting hurt, about you running off with someone, about our honeymoon going wrong, about Renesmee… Nothing but _worries, worries, and worries_!"

I forced him to stop by halting. For a fleet second his eyes passed over me—I believe unintentionally—before he averted his gaze to the trees again. Feeling my stomach twist sickeningly, I strode in front of him and tried to get him to look at me.

"Edward, look at me," I demanded. Edward turned his eyes to me hesitantly, his irises still molten metal. "Worrying is not a bad thing. It just means that you care. It's just part of loving someone, and you shouldn't try to push the feeling away, but cope with it. Worrying is a sign of a loving heart." I patted his chest, thankfully noting that it was no longer completely tensed.

"It's a sign of weakness," Edward sighed. He brought our clasped hands to his nose and inhaled my scent. He closed his eyes.

"It's funny how the person I love more than my existence is also the person who has brought me the most pain," he concluded in a softer tone.

I dropped my gaze to the floor and mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Edward's hand reached for my cheek and brought my gaze back up. Although filled with dark humor, his eyes were gentle once again. I felt my heart melt.

Edward smiled at me. "Besides, I'm sure I've brought you more pain than you could ever bring me."

I nodded—it was true. The few last years of my life included both the most beautiful and most ghastly memories of my entire life. Love had brought me joy and pain.

"That's what makes life worthwhile," I whispered. Edward's smile widened.

"Let's get inside."

We dropped our joint hands again and made our way to the front door at walking pace. Strangely, I felt more peaceful now than before Edward had thrown his fit. Maybe I'd sensed his dark shadows and was relieved to have them out in the open.

Edward stepped to the front door first. Throwing a short smile at me, he pushed it open.

The living room was dark and stuffy. It took me off guard—I was used to seeing the Cullen household in nothing but light, fresh colors, and now everything looked dusty and in need of a thorough cleaning. Both of our lips dropped gradually into grimaces as Edward lead me deeper inside, leaving the door open to give the living room a breath of fresh air.

The heavy silence was broken by a cry from upstairs.

"_Edward!_"

A pair of feet shuffled down the many stairs, and soon Esme's figure appeared at the top of the staircase. Her face looked even more drained than before and she was still wearing that awful, baggy pullover, but her eyes held a glimmer of light in them and her mouth was a gentle smile. She walked down the rest of the stairs more slowly and took Edward into her arms.

"I'm so glad you're all right," she breathed out against Edward's shoulder. Edward was impassive at first, but finally wrapped his arms around his mother too and returned the hug.

"We're both fine, Mum," he said gently. I was happy to hear the affection in his voice.

They let go of each other and Esme proceeded to embrace me. She whispered a thanks in my ear while squeezing me with all her might. I wondered if I could ever be as unconditionally loving as she was.

"What happened here?" I asked her, gesturing towards the sinister room where the bad mood was still clearly tangible.

Esme's smile vanished from her lips. "Rosalie had a little argument with Carlisle. She and Emmett have gone to their room."

It didn't help my own apprehension to feel Edward tense up again at the mention of his father's name. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, reminding him of his promise and the reason he was here.

Esme noticed his reaction as well.

"He feels terrible," she told him quietly, pleading with her eyes. "Please try to understand his side. His whole family is angry at him—"

"For a reason," Edward countered harshly. His eyes were ink again.

"He had his reasons too," Esme reminded him. "You know that better than any of us."

"His reasoning is idealistic and full of holes. And to top it all, he is too much of a coward to fix his mistakes personally."

"Edward!" Esme exclaimed, her eyes sorrowful and earnest. "Carlisle wanted to seek you out himself, but _I_ thought it would be better to let someone else talk to you first. But if you want to talk to him you can go to his study, or he can come down here and—"

"I don't want to talk to him," Edward replied. He turned away from Esme and took my hand again. "But I do need to have a word with Rosalie and Emmett. They are upstairs in their room, you said?"

"Edward, please," Esme implored.

Edward turned her down with an icy gaze. "I don't want to talk to him."

Esme looked at me with a desperate expression that seemed to be a plea for help. I simply shook my head—there was nothing I could say that would change Edward's mind when he was this determined.

She closed her eyes but nodded understandingly.

"Very well," she said wearily, "you don't have to talk to him. Emmett and Rosalie are still in their room, you should find them there."

Edward pushed passed her—pulling me with him—and walked halfway up the stairs, when he suddenly halted and turned around again, his eyes warm and loving again. Letting go of my hand, he darting back down, took Esme in his arms, and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"I love you, Mum," he whispered. "We're not going anywhere."

Esme nodded. "I know that, Edward. I love you too. I'm glad you're back." She lifted her head and looked up at me. "You too, Bella."

"Thanks, Esme—" I started and realized my mistake a second too late. "—I mean, _Mum_."

She beamed up at me, and I managed a genuine smile. Edward joined me at the stairs again and took my hand, his face and eyes golden once again.

***

"My God, Edward, you actually came back," Rosalie mocked him. "We all thought you were gone for good."

"Glad to see you too, sister," Edward grumbled, but met Emmett's high-five with more enthusiasm than I thought he could manage. Emmett, on the other hand, was giving it less enthusiasm than I'd expected.

"Man, we really are happy," he said sincerely. His usually boyish face looked oddly old, like it belonged to an old man. Maybe it was the missing smile that deformed it so.

I held back against the wall. It wasn't often that I still felt like an outsider with the Cullens, but now I felt as though I was intruding on an intimate family moment that I had no business to witness. I wondered if I'd always feel this way. Would even a century be enough to make up for the decades that I'd missed? Their bonds were knit together so tightly…

It didn't help that Rosalie seemed to be completely ignoring me again. My only consolation was that she wasn't paying much attention to Edward either—she was just cuddled up in a corner of her huge bed, her arms wrapped tightly over her chest, and her high cheekbones even more emphasized than usual by her starved appearance. Her hair was bound into a messy bun on the top of her head and she was tensing the muscles in her jaws strangely—she didn't look ugly, of course, because there was not a single chance that anything would mutilate her enough to make her ugly, but there was little left of the brilliant beauty that was able to stun whole football teams by just walking by. Emmett cast worried glances at her every now and then. He didn't look much healthier.

"Bella," he said, pulling me out of my reverie. "Thanks for coming."

I nodded. I'd never felt so small beside Emmett before.

Thankfully, Emmett seemed to understand that I wasn't in the talking mood. He nodded and patted my shoulder reassuringly—except that instead of reassuring me, the gesture made me feel like crying all over again. I had to hold my breath to keep from giving it away.

Edward seemed to sense my unease and came to stand beside me, pulling me tightly against his chest. After assessing me to make sure I was all right, he looked over at Rosalie.

"Self-pity isn't what we need right now, Rosalie," He said softly.

Rosalie's head shot up. "Don't be a hypocrite. _I'm_ not the one who disappeared into a forest for three days!" she hissed, her eyes looking like dark, endless caves.

Edward furrowed his brow and pulled me tighter against him. "Please, Rosalie. I know we've had our differences, but this is Renesmee's life we're talking about here."

Although Rosalie looked like she wanted to snap something back, she held her mouth and looked away.

"Thank you, Rosalie," Edward continued. He gestured something to Emmett with his eyes, who instantly flew to Rosalie's side to hug her. Rosalie let go of her own chest and embraced her husband instead.

"Bella, Esme, and I all think it would be most effective to start where Renesmee and Jacob were last seen—at the clearing," Edward explained. There was not a hint of emotion in his voice—he sounded like lawyer who was reading something from a law book. "They're sure to have left some tracks in the vegetation that we can follow. Then, once we reach civilization, we can find out if anyone has noticed them. Jacob would probably prefer to stay in his wolf form—" Edward glanced at me. "—but as I understand, Bella made some arrangements beforehand that might affect their path?"

I swallowed my swell of emotions and nodded. "Yes. I provided Renesmee with a fake passport and flight tickets to Rio." I hesitated. "It… was Alice's idea."

Emmett and Rosalie both startled. "_Alice?_"

"Yes." I glimpsed at Edward to make sure I wasn't saying anything I wasn't supposed to.

He nodded. "Alice must have seen the outcome of the battle, but couldn't bear to leave without somehow notifying us of it first. So she helped Bella get Renesmee into safety, because Bella is the only one of us who is able to keep a secret. We owe her a lot."

"But why didn't she stop all this from happening?" Rosalie cried. "She could have told us that we had no hope. We could have all fled together!"

"I don't know," Edward answered, but something about the way the shadows moved in his eyes made me suspect that he was holding back something.

Rosalie scoffed. "A fine family I have here."

"Rose," Emmett reproached her, caressing Rosalie's arm. She bit down on her lip and shook her head.

I walked around Edward—who looked at me questioningly—and kneeled on the floor beside Rosalie. Her shallow, black eyes stared at me discordantly.

"Rose, I never thanked you for everything you did for Renesmee and me. It truly means the world to us. And trust me—I know how forlorn you feel right now. I'm not any better. But if we want to find Renesmee we have to pull ourselves together and reign in our emotions and accusations. You're strong—I know you can do that."

From behind her shoulder, Emmett smiled at me, but Rosalie just continued to stare at me icily without saying a word. After a few seconds she finally replied.

"If I had to kill you to save her, I would," she simply stated and turned her head away.

For a few moments I froze on the floor and was unable to answer. Edward strode to my side and pulled me up, a growl building in his chest and his eyes furiously glaring at his sister. Emmett's jaw dropped open.

But when I regained my senses, I pushed Edward away and cut off his growl. "Don't. I understand."

Both Edward and Emmett looked at me with raised eyebrows, doubting my words. But I really did understand Rosalie. Even though she was being cynical and cruel, I saw through her façade, and instead saw in her a disappointed foster mother whose child had been taken away by the real parents. How could I only be so selfish? Why hadn't I seen the impossible hope that I'd given her again by having Renesmee? If I'd had any sense in me, I would have kept far, far away from her. But instead I'd _begged_ for her help. _I_ had made her like this.

"Sorry, Rose," I whispered and covered my face with Edward's pullover. He hugged me tightly and stroked my back, clearly confused. Once again I was glad Edward couldn't read my mind—he would have argued against my deduction.

Rosalie looked at me judgingly for a few moments, and then sighed.

"We have to get a move on it. Is Esme helping us?"

"Yes," Edward answered and took my hand, leading me to the door. His strides were suddenly full of determination.

"And what about Carlisle?" Emmett inquired. I shot him a frantic glare.

It was too late. Both Edward and Rosalie froze and stiffened, looking like a piece of food had gotten stuck in their throats.

"I don't know anything about him," Edward muttered and made his exit, his stride now angry instead of determined. Rosalie and Emmett followed close behind, the former pounding down the hallway like a steam engine. I exchanged a short, desperate look with Emmett, and hurried after.

* * *

**A/N:**

I'm sorry -- I'm a sucker for romance and drama. Breaking Dawn had none of it, so I decided to cram it all into this one little story!

Anyway, the story is stretching out far more than it should... I'm working on chapter 10 right now =/ I originally intended the whole thing to be around six chapters! Maybe I should get to the point. I hope the story being longer than planned is a good thing for you :)

Please don't forget to review!


	8. Numbing Time

**A/N:**

Just the usual apology for being late. I've sort of reached a point in the story where I'm not sure how to continue. I know how I want things to end, but there's always that terrible task of getting there. But thankfully I'm beginning to have some ideas (a big part of which came from reading your reviews... thank you guys, you're amazing!), so there is hope that I'll be able to build that bridge. No worries :)

Enjoy!

* * *

It was nice to be in the forest again, with all the green and fresh air around us. It almost took my mind off our grim task. Almost.

The dark nighttime sky was also soothing, compared to the bright blare of the day sun. It reflected my mood better: melancholic, grave, but calm, and, most of all, very peaceful.

My mind had started rearranging itself again. I no longer felt panicked and weighed down by grief. Not that I wasn't unhappy—my every second thought was on Renesmee and full of fear. But now I had clear goals. I knew I had to go into the woods, look for a trail, follow it, and then find another trail. The plan was there, laid out and understandable. Oddly, it did a lot to placate me.

Another comfort was that I was not alone. As I rummaged around the bushes and undergrowth I could hear others doing the same somewhere else and felt that I wasn't fighting this battle by myself. A strange calm enveloped me and stifled all the panic. Did time numb fear?

As I squinted at the forest floor, looking for any trace that could indicate that someone had passed through there, someone appeared close to my side.

"If Jacob had run through here, we would smell it," Edward said, taking a long sniff of the air. He breathed out and furrowed his eyebrows. "No stench here." I wondered whether he was trying to be funny.

I ignored him and continued searching. We were already far away from the clearing and still hadn't found anything. It was frustrating and deeply unsettling. How could it be that they hadn't left a single trace?

Some branches rattled behind us. Emmett appeared with a somber expression on his face.

"Hey, Edward, are you sure they headed east?" he asked. "We've raked through the whole place. You'd think a wolf that big would have left some kind of evidence of himself."

Edward turned on his heels but continued to walk backward beside me. "I'm pretty sure. There was no other possible escape route. If they left at all, they left through here."

_If they left at all._ I felt my throat tighten.

"And don't forget," Edward went on rashly, "wolves are accustomed to the woods. Unlike us, they are practically part of it. Their relationship to nature is very different from our own. Wolves work with nature, and in result, the nature works with them. It could be that he hasn't left any tracks."

"Well, I'll just check the west too, you know, just in case," Emmett carefully replied. Seeing Edward nod, he disappeared into the trees again with footsteps lighter than his size would have suggested. Before he was out of hearing range, he muttered, "Can't hide the stink."

I giggled half-heartedly. Edward gave me an equally disheartened smile.

"I'll find them, Bella. I swear," he then said to me gravely. The small smile was already gone.

"_We_," I told him.

"Excuse me?" Edward looked down at me, confused.

"You said _I'll_ find him. But _we _will."

He looked back up and over the trees. "Oh," was the only reply he gave me.

For a second my dead heart jumped when I saw what I thought was a broken twig on the ground. Feeling my spirits return, I quickened my pace and hastened over to it. But as I drew nearer I noticed that it wasn't a broken twig at all, but two different sticks that had fallen next to each other.

When I turned back to Edward I found him staring at me expectedly. I shook my head. The little bit of what was left of his hope faded away from his face.

We continued to walk close to each other, keeping our eyes glued to the floor, but constantly feeling the other's presence like a magnetic field. At first we were silent, but then the questions in my head became too loud and I had to speak.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I asked timidly, expecting a rebuff.

Edward looked confused again. "Of course."

"What were you doing in the woods all those days?"

As I'd expected, he didn't answer straight away. Something in him shrank away from the question, and his thoughts seemed to suddenly take a whole new turn. After a few minutes of what I assumed was careful formulating, he said, "I was clearing my mind."

"Of what?" I urged on. I wanted to know what was going on in my husband's head. I hated how he'd turned into a stranger.

Edward pursed his lips, but finally answered. "Of all the thoughts of murder and revenge. I… had to get a grip of myself. The battle, the disappearance of Renesmee, Carlisle's betrayal—all that I could handle. But the fight with you pushed me over the edge."

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to suppress the flood of horrible memories.

"Don't be." Edward swooped closer and grabbed my hand tightly. "It wasn't your fault."

I was about to argue when Edward looked at me with a more pleading expression than Esme had. "Please, let's not talk about it."

"Okay," I said, glad that I was relieved from having to relive the memories. But I wasn't nearly done yet. "So how did you… clear your mind? Hunting?"

"No, I didn't feel like feeding." Edward ripped off a small branch that came in his way and started beating bushes with it absent-mindedly. "I just ran. As fast as possible, as far as possible. And I felled some trees."

The images of the knocked-down trees flashed through my mind. Somehow, I felt relieved after all the worries I'd had that he'd been doing something horribly wrong.

"Why are you asking?" Edward suddenly demanded, looking at me with shadows in his eyes. I stared back and gulped.

"Well, you were in such a state when you left—"

"You thought I was on another killing spree," Edward finished for me and nodded in grim understanding. "It's all right—I deserve your mistrust."

I shook my head but was too tired to argue. I was getting exhausted of trying to convince Edward all the time that he was _not_ a bad person.

We were silent for a while until Edward said, "What about you? What were you up to?"

I shrugged. "Nothing. I sulked and hoped that the sun would never come up again. What you said about me handling grief better than you… it's not true. I was incapable of doing anything but drown in my own sorrow."

Edward smiled. "You would have gotten over it eventually. You came to find me, didn't you?" Then his face turned grieved again as he turned to look me in the eye. "How are you, by the way? I'm being so selfish, thinking of myself all the time."

There it was again, that insulting of himself. But there was no energy left in me to protest. "I'm doing better than I thought I would," I confessed, not bearing to return his stare. When he didn't make any comment, I continued, this time in no more than a whisper. "Does that make me a bad mother?"

"No, of course not!" Edward seemed genuinely shocked, almost insulted. It was as if I'd spoken the most ghastly lie in the world out loud. "Once we find Nessie I will never let her forget what a beautiful mother she has. A mother beautiful enough to compensate for all of me. She's the luckiest girl in the world."

"Stop it!" I couldn't listen to it anymore. I didn't want to hear him beat himself up and praise me in the same sentence. I couldn't bear it.

"You're not a bad mother, Bella," he said again, this time with more emphasis. "Never think that way."

I finally gave in and averted my gaze to him—his eyes were swirling with wonder, but more so with self-disgust. His mistaken view of both me and himself pained me. "I can't help it, Edward," I told him sadly. "Not anymore than you can help hating yourself. Maybe that's why we're meant to be together—so we can love each other the way we're supposed to be loving ourselves." I stopped for a second and balanced on my tip-toes to give him a peck on the cheek. "Let's stop rubbing salt into the wounds."

Edward closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around my waist, refusing to let me down again. He craned his neck to kiss me tenderly under the ear. I closed my eyes too, letting his touch melt the pain away and push my worries to the back of my mind for even just a second.

Somewhere not far behind us, a twig cracked. Edward froze with his mouth against my neck.

Struggling in Edward's tight grip, I watched a shadow emerge from the shadows. The canopy was thick enough to not let much light in, and even I had to let my eyes focus before I could make out his face.

It was Carlisle. His clothes were unnaturally untidy and his face crestfallen, his dark eyes deep as wells that seemed to lead straight to his soul. There were dark rings around them, like a human who hasn't slept in a long time. Whatever comfort Edward's kiss had given me was obliterated by the sight of him in that state.

"Edward. Bella," he said quietly, like an apology. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

From the way we were standing so close to each other it was obvious that he was interrupting something, but I mumbled an "It's okay" before drawing away from Edward's vice-like grip.

When Edward straightened himself, I felt a stone fall into my stomach. There was nothing left of the loving tenderness from a minute ago—antagonism was written all over his face instead. He got up stiffly without saying a word or even looking in his father's direction.

"I was hoping to have a word with you, Edward," Carlisle continued in his soft tone. He stepped closer and waited for Edward's answer.

It never came.

Carlisle sighed and looked at me, his eyes full of apologies. "Bella, I'm sorry. Could you maybe…?"

I got the hint. I nodded my head and was about to clear out when Edward suddenly seized my arm and shouted, "Don't!"

I tried to shake him off—unsuccessfully. Either my newborn strength was fading or Edward was stronger than anyone gave him credit for, but there was no escaping his unbreakable hold. Carlisle looked at us wearily and finally closed his eyes.

"It's fine, Bella. Thank you." He leaned against a thick tree trunk and crossed his hands in front of him. "Edward, I'm just asking you to hear me out."

"I know what you came here to say, and the answer is no," Edward countered in a harsh tone. I stole a glimpse of his eyes—they were stone hard again.

"Please, Edward."

"Leave me alone," Edward hissed and moved away from his father, pulling me with him. I tried to tug back uselessly.

"Edward! What can it hurt to just _listen_ to him?" I asked, tired, already knowing that it was no use. Edward's determination was as inflexible as his grip. Edward pulled harder at me and broke into a run.

"He has nothing new to say to me," he said simply.

In the last minute I glanced back at Carlisle, trying to signal in just two seconds that I forgave him and was sorry. Thankfully, he seemed to understand and I saw him nod before the trees completely hid him from view. I even thought I heard him say, "Thank you, Bella." But it was so quiet that it could have been the wind instead.

Once we were far enough from him to satisfy Edward, he loosened his grip of my arm and slowed to a walk. I jerked myself away from him.

"Are you happy now?" I said angrily. "Carlisle's miserable—any fool can see that! Go ahead, torture him even more. It won't bring Renesmee back."

Abruptly, Edward froze and his eyes widened. For a second I thought he'd finally had a change of heart. Maybe it was my mention of his daughter that had lightened the spark inside him. I was about to probe on when he rapidly turned around and started running in the direction we'd come from.

It took me a few seconds to react. Then I took off as fast as my legs could carry me.

But even my fastest wasn't enough to match Edward's speed. He was many feet in front of me, and with each step I took the distance between us grew. It didn't help that the branches he'd pushed aside were slamming into me; I had to keep my hands in front of me all the time to keep them from tearing my clothes.

"Edward! What's wrong now? _Wait!_"

He didn't slow down, but he did call something over his shoulder.

"It's Emmett! He found the path that Jacob must have taken with Renesmee! They headed west after all!"

All my organs jumped to my throat at the news. Unconsciously, my legs managed to increase their speed after all and I was soon flying beside Edward and past Carlisle, who had started following us when he'd heard the commotion.

There was a hammering in my ears that I couldn't quite pinpoint—it couldn't have been blood, obviously, as I hadn't fed in several weeks and I didn't have a blood stream anyway. Maybe it was just my imagination projecting a physical reaction that should have been there. I didn't care—all I wanted was the ability to run even faster. Fast didn't seem fast enough.

It's wasn't long until we barged into the clearing, and soon we were entering the forest on the other side of it. My breathing quickened—not because I needed more air, but because I was desperate to smell even the faintest trace of my lost daughter. Nothing.

Edward steered roughly to the left. I nearly flew into a tree, but was able to follow him without interrupting my run. Carlisle, who was still a good ten feet back, made the same turn.

In the distance I could see a white shape in the surrounding darkness. It was Emmett, who was gripping at a tree as if it were the only thing still holding him there. His eyes darted to us when he heard us approach. Impatience flickered in them like the wick of a burning candle.

"Where?" Edward demanded as soon as we reached the spot. Emmett motioned wordlessly straight ahead.

Neither of us stopped to ask for further instructions. Edward's mind was set on our goal, but I was enough in my senses to mumble a thank you to Emmett as we whizzed by. I didn't have time to see Emmett's answer, but I could hear him break into a run behind us.

And then I smelled it. The air smelled of something else besides damp soil and blooming leaves. It smelled of daisies and of something that I could have mistaken for human blood. It was the mind-numbing smell of my daughter.

Somehow I managed not to cry out in joy. The wiser part of me—and also the more pessimistic one—reminded me that as long as I couldn't see her, there was nothing to hope for. But I hadn't felt this close to Renesmee for days, and the sudden change almost made my relief burst out of its seams.

So I hastened my pace and followed Edward through the maze of trees, hoping that the hope wouldn't crush me if we came to a dead end.

*******

I refused to believe it. It just couldn't be.

Edward kicked at a bush and roared out a terrible cry of frustration. I just froze and was unable to do anything at all. The only way my mind could continue to work was by denying it.

"We'll find her," Emmett said, but this time his tone was more consoling than it was assuring. "She can't be far. We'll find her."

Edward sunk to the ground against a tree trunk and buried his face in his hands. He shook his head.

Almost bumping into my still frame, Emmett proceeded to make another round. But it was useless. We all knew it.

Carlisle laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, but I was too cold to feel it. "We'll find her," he muttered softly. "No matter what."

I would have shaken my head, but I was glued to the spot. All I could do was deny it, again and again, refuse to believe the scene in front of me, and try not to notice how clear of daisies the air was.

But there was no denying that the trail was a dead one, and we could just as well throw away all our hopes of finding her now. It was no use. She was lost. I was lost.

Still, for the sake of my dear life, I continued to deny it.

* * *

**A/N:**

To be continued...

If you have a minute, please leave me a review! Merci beaucoup :)


	9. Happy Men's Thoughts

**A/N:**

Hello everybody! I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween :)

I would like all you amazing readers to know that updating will be a little slow in the next few weeks. The whole of November will be terribly busy for me, and as much as I'd want to write, I simply can't find the time for it. I'll try to update at least once a week, but I can't make any promises. Don't worry, though -- I know exactly how I want to end this story now. So if you hear nothing from me for a long time, you'll know that it's not because I've forgotten the story or given up :) December will be considerably less hectic, so I'll be finishing things off then _at the latest_.

Enjoy, and have a great start into November!

* * *

The sun had melted away most of the snow that had fallen just before the battle, but a few rare snow banks had survived and colored the green landscape with a bit of white. It was dark now, and clouds had started gathering in the sky again, making the view gloomy. Yet there was a strange peace in the air, probably because it was so quiet. The only motion came from my family as they continued to search the area. Only I had given up.

Edward had darted after Emmett soon after he'd cried out. I could tell he had too much excess energy and that the whole exercise was more for the movement than for the hope of finding something. Emmett, too, was not particularly optimistic. He kept searching the same places, as if he thought something might have changed since the last time he checked there. Rosalie was far away in the woods, probably looking for a new trail. I assumed Esme was with her, as she was nowhere to be seen.

In a way I felt bad for being the only one who'd admitted defeat so early. After all, this was _my_ daughter we were talking about. My flesh and blood. In a perfect world, I would have been uprooting trees in my efforts to find her.

But this wasn't a perfect world, and I was not a perfect mum. I'd experienced too much disappointment in the last few days to handle it all. What's worse, my self-disgust weighed me down even more, rendering me useless. Maybe I was being a coward. Or maybe I was just being realistic.

So instead of helping my family, all I did was sink down to the ground and try to drown the world away in my grief.

I was so consumed by my sorrow that at first I did not hear the twig snap behind me. Only when I sensed a presence right behind my back did I turn my head to check who it was.

Carlisle was standing there, looking down on me with empathy written all across his face. I welcomed his calming aura, but also noted a slight discoloration of his eyes—they were pitch black and distressed, something I'd never seen in Carlisle before.

"Bella." He nodded, dropping his hands from behind his back. "Do you mind if I join you?"

I was really in no mood for any social activity, but I nodded nonetheless—it was less strenuous than having to speak. Carlisle lowered himself slowly and slouched down beside me.

He was quiet for a long while. I started to drift away from reality again, into my own little world in my head where none of this pain existed.

But before I could get there, Carlisle's voice pulled me out of it.

"I understand what you are going through, Bella, but I want you to know that life will go on," he spoke quietly. His tone made it sound like he was continuing an ongoing conversation rather than beginning a new one.

I looked away from him and sighed. He had no idea. How could life go on after this? My darling daughter was gone, Demetri was out there, and I would never even get the chance to say goodbye. Involuntarily, I started recollecting memories of her—the day I'd held her tiny body in my arms for the first time, the day she'd learned to walk, the day she'd started reading on her own…

Before I could stop it, a huge sob erupted from my chest. I felt Carlisle put an arm around my shoulders and closed my eyes, frantically trying to stop myself from crying. But I was unsuccessful. Every breath I took felt like a tear.

The more I cried, the tighter Carlisle pushed me against himself. At first I felt like pushing him away, but then I noticed just how comforting his presence was and didn't fight it. As the sorrow gushed from me, Carlisle just emitted wonderful calm. He was like a campfire in a cold, rainy night. Cruelly, I wondered if Edward could ever be like that to _his_ daughter. Right now he seemed more frantic than calm. Maybe he didn't have this gift—or was that something that came with the years?

When my crying started to quiet, I drew back from Carlisle's embrace, suddenly embarrassed. Despite everything, I'd always thought of him as my father-in-law. I'd known him for such a short time compared to everyone else. I'd practically barged into his family and forced myself upon him. And then I expected him to be my shoulder to cry on?

Carlisle let me go, but didn't leave my side. After a while, he spoke again.

"How much do you know about Esme?" he asked me. I turned to look at him despite myself. I hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn.

"Quite much, I guess," I replied, not quite knowing what "quite much" actually was. Edward had never been keen on giving away everyone's secrets. I couldn't know how much he'd kept from me.

Without breaking eye contact, Carlisle nodded. "Do you know how she died?" he asked on carefully.

I nodded. "She jumped from a cliff and ended up in the morgue of your hospital."

"Yes," Carlisle said. His voice implemented that my answer wasn't quite what he'd meant. "But do you know _why_ she jumped from that cliff, Bella?"

I stared out into the trees. Edward _had_ told me why Esme had killed herself. I also saw what Carlisle wanted to say.

"It's not the same, Carlisle," I told him, trying my best to keep my voice steady. In result, it came out wispy and meek.

He sighed, turning his head away from me. His eyes looked out at nothing in particular, and I knew what he was seeing were old memories. It was funny, at that moment, how much he reminded me of Edward in his better days.

"Esme had fled from her husband not long before it happened. Her family had broken contact with her, feeling that she'd shamed them. Her friends avoided her. Back then, divorce was widely frowned down upon, no matter the circumstances. All she had was the baby."

I shut my eyes and tried not to let my feelings overflow again. It was hard, as I knew how Esme must have felt—in a way, I was all alone myself. But _I_ didn't even have my baby.

Carlisle continued quietly, now looking at me with his black eyes that were both distressed and calm at the same time. "It was cruel fate that her child should die right then. The disease came over him fast, and he was dead before she knew it. It became too much for her to handle—"

"—I know what you're getting at, Carlisle, but it's not quite the same," I interrupted him, not wanting to hear any more about babies dying and mothers grieving.

"How so?" he asked me, gently holding my gaze.

"Well, for one, I can't commit suicide. And Renesmee isn't dead."

Carlisle's dark eyes gleamed a little. "Exactly."

I frowned, annoyed that I'd stumbled over my own words. "Just because it isn't the same doesn't mean it's any better."

"What I am trying to tell you, Bella, is that even when things seem like they couldn't get any worse, there is something more awaiting you in the future. The thread of life isn't straight. It's like a pendulum, always swaying from side to side. We cannot see where it is going, but that doesn't mean the future isn't there." Carlisle's speech became rushed, and I noticed that he was in his element: philosophy. The many centuries had obviously given him much time to think. There was suddenly much more excitement in him, although he never quite lost his calm touch. He seemed like a naïve young boy and a wise old man at the same time as he spoke.

But despite his obvious conviction, I could not believe his words. They sounded like something a happy man had thought of long time ago, someone who had never been in the situation I was in. How could it be possible to survive this agony?

When Carlisle noticed that I wouldn't answer, he breathed out and closed his eyes, suddenly looking more ancient than usual—like an old marble statue whose shine was starting to wear off from its years.

"You think I do not understand you," he continued in barely over a whisper. "And you are right. Perhaps I have never lost a child. Perhaps I am too optimistic for my own good. But there is one thing time has taught me, and that is that it never stops."

Instead of comforting me, his words made me feel like weeping all over again. "Maybe I want it to stop," I murmured.

Carlisle shook his head and smiled gently, looking more like himself again. "I've tried to make it stop but failed each time, and I thank fate for that every day. Fate is much smarter than us. She works in ways we cannot hope to understand."

Something about what he said surprised me. "She?"

Carlisle smiled again, this time sheepishly. He almost seemed embarrassed as he answered. "A relic of my time in Italy. The goddess Fortuna is a woman."

I couldn't see how fate could be either male or female, but I bit back the words.

At that moment, Edward approached us from the woods. His face turned from despairing to wary when he saw Carlisle, and he halted a good ten feet away. He eyed us both disapprovingly for a second, and then asked me, "What are you doing?"

I felt my insides jump to my throat—I knew Edward was angry at Carlisle, and his state wasn't exactly calmer than usual now either. Already there was lightning in his eyes.

"I needed a moment for myself, that's all. We were just talking," I answered. "Wait, let me help you search." I got up, rushed to his side, and grabbed his hand, hoping to pull him away from the scene before he decided to transform his excess energy into a fight.

But Edward wouldn't budge. His gaze fell on Carlisle, who was still sitting on the forest floor and looking at Edward with clear sorrow in his eyes. I could tell he was communicating something to Edward because he tensed and balled his hands into fists.

"That's not quite enough," Edward hissed, answering a question I couldn't hear. "You have no idea of the damage you've caused."

Carlisle stood up ever so slowly and inclined his head towards Edward. His face was distressed. I couldn't understand why Edward couldn't see all his regret—even I found it impossible to be angry at him.

"_Demetri is out there_, for heaven's sake!" Edward cried out angrily, letting go of my hand. His lips were almost pulled back in a snarl.

"Edward!" I whispered, angry that he would continue his feud with Carlisle in times like these. Was any of this fighting going to bring Renesmee back?

Edward huffed, but thankfully retreated at my words. He continued to stare coldly at Carlisle for a couple of seconds before grabbing my hand again and turning to leave.

Glad to have avoided a bigger fight, I scuttled after him. Just as we were about to break into a run, a quiet, remorseful voice behind us said, "I'm sorry."

It could have been just wishful thinking, but I thought I saw Edward's angry mask falter for a moment to reveal a regretful expression.

***

We were well out of hearing distance when I finally addressed him.

"Do you have to be so darn vindictive about this?" I demanded. "Do you think it will somehow _improve_ our situation? Do you not see how sorry he is?

Edward pursed his lips and answered coldly. "Without him Renesmee might have had a chance to live."

I forced him to stop by blocking his way and glared at him. "That's ridiculous. The problems started way before him. Take us, for instance. It isn't like we have no hand in this at all. _We_ are the parents! She's our responsibility! And Renesmee isn't dead. We might still be able to find her before them."

He furrowed his eyebrows but otherwise did not seem affected by my words. "Don't think that I'm not angry at myself. Believe me, Bella, you will find nobody who hates me as much as I do. But at least I don't pretend to be a saint like Carlisle does." His eyes turned into dark wells again and he gritted his teeth. "He knew what he was doing when he let Demetri run. He knew the consequences it would have for Renesmee. And yet he thinks that _justice_ is somehow more precious than his granddaughter!"

"He acted as he saw right. Carlisle can't help his nature," I reminded him. "And neither can you."

Edward didn't answer. For a moment I thought he was distracted by something far out in the trees, but then I noticed he was avoiding my gaze.

I laid my hand on his cheek and forced him to look at me. To my surprise his eyes were not angry anymore at all, but regretful to the core. They reminded me of what I'd once read in a Greek mythology book: Charon, the sea where all dead souls landed.

Instantly, my heart softened. I felt like a fool, talking like this to him—_I_ was the one who was too weak to handle my own grief. _I_ was the one who'd given up first.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and let go of his face.

"Don't be." Edward grabbed the hand I'd dropped and brought it back up to his cheek. "You're my conscience. You know those cartoons where the character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other?"

I nodded.

Edward's dead eyes sparked back to life. "You're the angel," he told me and caressed my face with his free hand.

I sighed and shook my head, but decided to let the matter drop to make way for more important ones.

"What will we do now?" I asked meekly, already afraid that he'd have no answer. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

Edward stared back at me sadly. I nearly broke down there and then as I realized he had no clue either.

He must have realized that I was at my breaking point, because Edward was soon cradling me against his chest, whispering half-hearted assurances into my ear.

"We'll think of something," he breathed out.

"That's what you said before!"

"We can't give up," he asserted, but I could hear in his voice that he was tired. There wasn't really anything useful we could do. It would all only serve as distraction.

I started crying again, only this time against Edward's shoulder. He wasn't nearly as calm as Carlisle, and ended up crying with me after a while. Strangely, I found it more comforting than Carlisle's sturdy calmness. It made me feel like I wasn't smaller than I was. I felt bad for having though meanly of Edward before—he was a great father, and a much better parent than me.

As I was crying, my fingers brushed against my bare skin and I noticed the cold feel of the metal of my wedding ring. It was oddly gray in the darkness, but the oval stone still managed to shed some light. I looked at it for a long while, mostly with sadness. If I had only known…

But apart from bringing me sadness, the ring also helped me focus on something. If I tuned out my own whirling emotions, I could hear Edward breathing, smell his scent in the air, and feel the texture of his skin against mine. It was like a bit of heaven right in the middle of hell—as always seemed to be the case with us. At that moment, I knew I could handle it. As long as I had Edward, nothing was bad enough to kill me. As long as I had one half of my life, I had hope of finding the other.

"Edward?" I breathed out.

"Yes?"

"We'll find her."

"Yes," he sighed.

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you for your patience :) Review?


	10. Patience

**A/N:**

Hello! I know it's been a long time (two weeks to be precise), but I hope you're all still with me :) Amazingly, I did get something done. As I said, November is a terrible time of the year for me. Thank God I only have a few weeks left.

Enjoy Chapter 10! :)

* * *

We were gathered in the now light living room, sitting or standing stiffly and trying to ignore the discomfort.

Esme had drawn back the curtains and swiftly dusted the cushions, so the room was noticeably less stuffy than the last time I'd been there. Still, it did little to improve the atmosphere. It could just as well have been dark and dusty.

No one was smiling. Esme was standing by the window and hugging herself, an aloof expression on her face. She'd changed her clothes, however, and looked much better than before. Maybe it was because we were all in the same room again.

I still couldn't believe we'd managed to bring everyone together, and even less so when I considered that it had been _Carlisle_ who'd summoned us. It had taken a great deal of pleading to make Edward come with me, and from the tired look on Emmett's face, I guessed it had been the same case with Rosalie. In fact, I was still surprised I'd succeeded. When Esme had first suggested it, Edward had turned the idea down right away. But after some coaxing I had got him to join me after all—by reminding him of our responsibility to Renesmee and how we were obliged to do whatever we could to find her, even if that meant swallowing down our antagonism. I didn't like Edward's self-disgust, but I had to admit that guilt was a great weapon when I needed one.

Nevertheless, the atmosphere was tense. Carlisle still wasn't here to tell us his great "new idea", and I kept worrying that Edward would dart off if he didn't show up soon.

Suddenly, Rosalie bounced up from her seat beside Emmett and threw her arms in the air. "This is a waste of my time!" she said sourly. "What does Carlisle want from us? To sit around and pretend to be a family long enough that we somehow _magically_ forgive him?"

"Rose," Emmett muttered, tugging at her sleeve. She shrugged him off.

"Rosalie, please," Esme pleaded. "I'm sure Carlisle has a very good reason for calling us all together. Renesmee's safety is his first priority."

Rosalie barked out a humorless laugh. "His first priority. Right. I don't know how you think this sitting around is helping us, but I'm leaving." She strode across the living room and towards the front door, throwing her head about angrily.

"Wait!" Emmett called out desperately. "Let's just wait for a few more minutes. Running around pointlessly outside won't help anyone either. And let's face it—we need some ideas…"

Ignoring her husband's words, Rosalie reached for the door handle and was about to open the door when a white hand suddenly appeared on top of hers, restraining her.

"Wait," Edward told her, forcing Rosalie to look up at him. "This is probably something you'll want to hear. Trust me."

I gaped at my husband. While just a few minutes ago his eyes had been shaded and doubtful, he was now glowing with newly lightened anticipation. His stance no longer drooped like a dead flower, but I could practically feel vitality radiating off him and filling the room. And from the look on Rosalie's face, I wasn't the only one to see the difference.

The sudden hope in him was contagious. Once again I found myself perking up and expecting something more than… well, nothing. What could have triggered this change in Edward?

Esme, too, had a whole new look on her face—one of admiration. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could begin the living room door swung open and a terrible stench filled the room.

"Eeeeeeew," Emmett groaned, pinching his nose in disgust. His expression would have been funny, had I been in the right state to laugh.

But still, I couldn't blame him. The smell _was_ unbearable. As Carlisle and his guests entered the room, I made sure to stop breathing so I wouldn't have to spend the rest of the day choking out the filthy air.

Sam and Seth entered the room with two completely different expressions on their faces: Seth with a worried and Sam with a wary one. While Seth instantly paced over to where we were sitting, Sam gave us a wide berth and kept close to the exit. Carlisle came in last, looking more like himself than he had in days. He regarded us all in turn, and his face seemed to lighten up when he noticed that we were all there.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting," he said in his usual calm tone. "It was harder to find Seth than I thought it would be."

Seth looked at us sheepishly and smiled halfheartedly. Edward, who was pointedly ignoring Carlisle, walked over to him and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Seth! Where have you been all these days?"

Seth's smile broadened a little. "Doing what you've been doing: looking for Jacob." Suddenly his smile vanished. "Without much luck, I should add."

Edward nodded knowingly and patted him on the arm. "It's all right. We've all been having trouble finding them."

It warmed my heart to see that Edward's friendship with Seth hadn't been destroyed by the hard times, but I found myself incapable of saying anything. I just stared at them curiously, puzzling over why they were here. I'd forgotten all about the wolves. Of course they would be looking for their leader and former pack member just as we were looking for Renesmee. I felt stupid for not thinking of them before. And yet I failed to see what was so important about having them here. Yes, we had more people searching now, but as long as we didn't know where exactly to begin, they were of no use. If only there was a way to…

"Of course!" I cried out loud, turning every gaze in the room on me. I jumped to my feet and scurried over to Seth and Edward. "_You_ can contact Jacob! You can hear his mind everywhere! You can tell him to come back!"

It took a few confused moments for me to realize that no one else was jumping up and down in excitement. Glancing over the room, I noticed that most of my family was looking at me pityingly, as though I'd been the last to grasp something obvious and was _still_ missing the whole point. Worried that I'd rejoiced too early, I turned my gaze back to Seth. He was looking back at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I can only communicate with Jacob when he is also in his wolf form," he explained carefully. "Unfortunately, his thoughts vanished soon after the battle. Leah and I guess that he phased back to keep Aro from seeing where he was in case your shield broke down."

_Oh, Jacob_. Now that I thought of it, I knew it was exactly what he should have done in that situation. How could he have known that it would backfire? I blinked, struggling to hold back the flood of despair that was threatening to engulf me.

"B-but then he'll probably phase back soon, right? He's your pack leader. He should let you know where he is," I argued frantically, trying to convince myself that I wasn't hoping in vain.

Seth shook his head. "Jacob is careful. As far as he knows, we could be prisoners right now. He doesn't want to give anything away to Aro. He'll probably avoid phasing until the last minute."

"Then what… are you doing here?" I asked, this time with audibly less enthusiasm in my voice.

This time it was Edward who answered. "However much he tries to avoid it, Jacob won't stay human forever. Sooner or later he'll have to turn back into a wolf, and when he does, he'll come home."

I stared at my husband, wondering why he was still glowing from excitement. Did he not see what I saw?

I was just about to voice my worries when Rosalie spoke up—or to be more precise, _screamed_ out. "By which time Demetri will have long found them!" she bellowed. "We don't have time to _wait_. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the Volturi had them already!"

Ignoring the ever-growing fears, I turned to Edward desperately, hoping that he had the argument I couldn't find.

"He doesn't have them yet," he promised both me and Rosalie. "If the Volturi had attacked, Jacob would most certainly have phased. He won't turn himself and Renesmee in without putting up a fight."

Edward looked at me intensely, probably trying to transfer some of his hope to me. Behind him, Rosalie groaned. "Great, so now we are waiting for Jacob to phase _and_ hoping he doesn't at the same time? I'm sorry, but I don't see the ingenious plan."

I stared back at Edward and tried to hope with all my heart, but felt nothing. Sorrowfully, I looked back at Edward and murmured, "I'm sorry, Edward, but Rosalie has a point. I don't see—"

"It's better than nothing," he countered, turning to Seth. "Is Leah in her wolf form? We have to be ready in case Jacob phases."

Seth nodded, still looking at me contritely. Not bearing to look into his dark brown eyes, I turned away from him. His russet skin, his strong heartbeat, his smell—it all reminded me too much of Jacob.

"I'd like to talk to her, if you don't mind," Edward said, striding towards the door. "Where is she exactly? North-west?"

Suddenly, Carlisle was in front of him. "Wait," he told Edward, returning his ice cold stare with a warm, apologetic one. Edward halted immediately and took one step back, as if he could bear to be so close to his father.

"Sam has something to say," Carlisle explained quietly, raising his hands a little. It looked like a sign of submission. "He just told me something very interesting about shapeshifters."

Shapeshifters? I didn't understand what he was talking about. Taking a short look around the room, I could see that I wasn't the only one.

Sam shifted on his feet every so slightly, and his cagey expression clearly gave away that he wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation. Nevertheless, his deep voice was steady and certain when he spoke. "I can see you have never heard the term before," he began, looking each of in the eye despite his caution. "_'Shapeshifter'_ is the real term for what we are. We call ourselves werewolves only because we happen to take the form of a wolf. Technically, it could have been any animal."

Sam paused for a second before continuing, allowing us a moment to digest the information. It was surprising, to say the least—a little like growing up thinking that the Tooth Fairy is real, and then being told by an older friend that she is not. I stared at him disbelievingly.

"There are others like us around the world," he continued, "but none who turn into wolves. Until now, of course. We used to be one single pack, _the_ wolf shapeshifters… and now we are two."

"Interesting," Edward breathed out, the antagonism towards Carlisle wiped off of his face again. He was still glowing with hope, but seemed calmer now, more concentrated.

"Yes, yes, very interesting," Rosalie's sharp voice shattered the air, "but once again I feel like we are completely missing the point here. Unless you have something to add, I'm leaving."

The look Sam gave Rosalie was venomous. She quieted instantly and raised her eyebrows provocatively.

"You are impatient," Sam told her. "I'm surprised life hasn't taught you otherwise yet."

Rosalie didn't say anything, but by the expression on her face I could see that she wasn't delighted. But Sam's calm, sure tone made it impossible to argue back.

He turned away from her and addressed all of us again. "As I was saying, we have lately split into two different packs." He didn't speak without regret. "This is not how nature intended it. We shapeshifters don't have many advantages when fighting against your kind. You are superior in strength, endurance, and speed. The only thing we have on our side is numbers. Vampires work alone—even in covens. You do not create lasting bonds. We, on the other hand, work in interconnected groups. We are tangled in each other. One wolf alone is not a big threat, but a whole pack…" He paused with a frustrated expression on his face. I could tell that this wasn't information he wanted to share with us.

"Nature mends what is broken," he finally stated. "When there are two different packs of the same kind, especially if one of them is small, she tries to bring them together. Jacob's pack consists of three wolves—a much too small number to survive, would they be doing their jobs." Sam looked swiftly at Seth, who was frowning and looking at the floor guiltily.

"But how can two packs find each other?" I asked, willing him to continue.

Sam looked at me. It could have been my imagination, but his expression seemed to be less wary. "There's a call. The smaller pack is drawn towards the bigger one. The call is subtle, but it's there."

"So Jacob is _drawn_ back to us?" I asked incredulously. It sounded too good to be true.

"The further away he gets from us, the stronger the call will become," Sam explained. "But there is a problem. Jacob doesn't know what's happening—the call was so weak when we were living next to each other, he's never felt it before. As I said, the call is subtle. He could choose to ignore it."

"But if he's focused on getting Renesmee as far away from here as possible, why should he turn around?" I asked, not knowing whether to be hopeful or not.

"It's a question of which side of himself he chooses to follow: nature or reason."

I looked at my family. Everyone had a confused expression on their faces, as if they, too, were unsure of what to feel. Everything Sam said was interesting… but was it all that good? I couldn't think of any scenario in my head in which Jacob would choose to come back instead of fleeing. Renesmee was much too important to him for that.

"So… we wait?" I asked.

Sam nodded, and then looked back at Rosalie.

"Waiting has never done anyone any harm."

*******

**Jacob's POV**

The breeze hit me in a steady beat as I jogged past another crossing, urging me on.

Thankfully, the distance between the towns was getting bigger and bigger, and the only people around were sitting in their cars and unable to see me through the trees. It had been tricky avoiding curious eyes when a town was nearby, but somehow I'd succeeded to stay out of sight—there had been some close calls, but I'd managed. I didn't even want to know what would have happened if I had been detected. What's the first thing an average human being thinks when they see a huge, brown-skinned guy with shabby clothes dashing past with a sobbing baby in his arms? That would have been fun.

I looked down at the little bundle in my arms. Nessie was—thank God—finally sleeping. She'd cried so hard for the first half of the journey that I'd feared she'd die from dehydration. Stupid, I know. But everything worried me nowadays.

But even in her sleep she didn't look serene. Nessie kept twisting and turning and mumbling something, and I was sure she wasn't dreaming of anything pleasant. I kept wondering whether I should wake her up. What was worse—nightmares in your head or nightmares in reality?

Nessie wasn't my only worry, though. I don't know why it was, but I kept having the bizarre feeling that I was running in the _totally_ wrong direction. It was silly, because I knew exactly where the airport was. It was hard to miss—all traffic goes in that direction, and every airplane that flew over my head was either coming from or going there. But still some part of me was feeling that it was terribly wrong.

Maybe I was imagining it, but I actually felt like the feeling was getting _stronger_ the closer I got to the airport. In fact, I'd come close to turning back a couple of times. But then Nessie had shifted in my arms or sighed or something, and I had kept going. In the end I decided that I was losing my mind. Hardly surprising, considering everything.

Another crossing appeared—this time with signs. Three miles to the airport. Finally.

I clutched the little bag Bella had given Nessie. The two plane tickets to Rio were inside, along with the fake passports that she had somehow obtained. _Vanessa Wolf_. Sheesh, how did she come up with these things?

We would be at the airport in less than fifteen minutes. Way too early for the flight, but I didn't care. I needed to get Nessie and myself fed before we could go anywhere. And I needed to get among people—no vamp would be dumb enough to attack in the middle of a crowd. I needed witnesses.

But was the airport _really_ where I wanted to go? Maybe I was making a huge mistake. Maybe I should go back…

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. _I had to pull myself together. I had to stay sane. _I_ was Nessie's only hope.

Another ten minutes later, I could already see the huge airport. There were no more trees to hide behind, and I'd had to force myself to slow down so I wouldn't attract that much attention. The ground beneath my bare feet was dry and lifeless. All I could see were gray, dirty roads and cement buildings everywhere. I _hated_ airports.

Eventually, we did get into the building. Gray stone and artificial light everywhere. Unsmiling businessmen and women walking past me. Everyone was so busy with their lives that they didn't even notice the ruddy teenager with bare feet striding over the hall with a sleeping child in his arms.

I was about to check-in when I realized that I couldn't yet—check-in for my flight wasn't until in half and hour. Cursing under my breath, I withdrew into a dark corner and pushed Nessie against my chest in a vain effort to offer her shelter from the chaotic, loud airport. What could I do to pass the time?

Suddenly, my eyes detected something in the crowd. Behind a group of frowning teenagers, two figures were running through the masses. They kept bumping into people, but didn't even stop to apologize. Their skin was pale as snow and looked funny under the white light.

And they were running straight towards me.

* * *

**A/N:**

I feel terrible ending it there, especially because I don't know when I'll get the next chapter finished (I'm halfway through), but I think I'll leave you to cook ;)

In the meantime, I'd love to hear what you're thinking so please don't hesitate to leave me a review! Thanks :)


	11. Coldness and Heat

**A/N:**

Wow, it's already the end of December? How did time fly by so fast? I'm sorry about being this slow with updating, _again. _November really was impossible for me, and then December came and the holidays and I was away all last week... So in the end, I had no extra time on my hands. I thought I'd be done with this story by the end of the year, but it looks like I'm not going to make it. I only have 1-2 more chapters left, though, so it shouldn't take _all_ of next year ;)

Anyway, **Happy New Year**!! Let the new decade bring lots of happiness to you :)

Enjoy chapter 11!

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"Don't you think it's unfair?" Edward surprised me by asking. Neither of us had said a word for the last two hours, and I had become accustomed to the silence.

I didn't answer, mostly because I didn't know what exactly he thought was unfair. Edward waited a few seconds, seemingly not expecting an answer, and then continued broodingly.

"For over a century, I have nothing at all. And then everything in the world is given to me at once, and my life is turned upside-down. And then, when I'm finally coming to terms with it, it's all taken away from me again."

I nodded. "It's like winning a fortune in the lottery and then being told that it's only a loan."

"_Exactly._" Edward sighed and tightened his hold around my waist. We were sitting on the living room couch and gazing outside, subtly monitoring every one of both Sam's and Seth's movements without being so rude as to stare at them the entire time. Two hours had come and passed, and still no change.

And to top it all, I kept feeling utterly miserable. I'd ruined a big part of our chances by staying silent about the tickets I'd bought for Renesmee and Jacob. In the rush of the battle and the events following it, I'd unconsciously suppressed any reminder of the preparations I'd made in case Renesmee had to leave. It wasn't until I was forced to sit still that the thought had occurred to me.

It was a little after Sam had told us of his plan. For the first time in days, I'd sat down, looked out of the window, and reeled in all my thoughts. That's when, to my horror, I realized what I'd done.

It hadn't taken long to explain things to everyone. I told them everything—about the note Alice had left me, about Mr. Jenks, about the fake IDs, _everything_. And it had taken them even less time to go absolutely wild.

Rosalie had instantly called the airline and nearly trashed the phone when the assistant, worried about privacy issues, refused to give her any information. Finally, once she'd passed the phone to Carlisle and a considerable sum of money had been brought up, the manager admitted that no one by the name of _Wolf_ had boarded their plain in the past few weeks. We'd carried on by phoning other airlines and even bus companies, but nobody could tell us anything useful. As far as we knew, Jacob and Renesmee had never left the country by public transport. This meant that he'd either decided not to use the plane tickets, or that he'd never made it there.

And once that realization had hit us, I'd been the one they were screaming at. Rosalie especially had found some very nasty words to throw at me, along with some kitchen chairs. What's worse, I'd even let her bash me because I knew I deserved it. If it wasn't for Edward and Emmett, I probably would have ended up a pile of ashes.

I'd apologized a thousand times, and still Rosalie was fuming. In the end, she had stormed out, swearing to "find Renesmee and not come back here ever again". I'd accepted that she was permanently mad at me now. Admittedly, it made me feel a tiny bit better to know that at least someone was showing the right type of emotion towards me. Edward didn't seem to blame me at all.

Even now he was embracing me as if there was nothing wrong with it. His chin rested on my shoulder and I could feel his breath tickle my throat. Only his hand was moving as he stroked my waistline; otherwise he was completely immobile. His eyes were focused of the trees outside, but they were far-away—I knew he was actually paying much more attention to Sam's and Seth's thoughts.

To be honest, I didn't believe Jacob was coming back anymore. He was plenty far enough now to feel the call, so he would have turned around all ready if he had decided to listen to it. But for the sake of both my and Edward's sanity, I continued to pretend that I still hoped.

Another unchanging five minutes passed, and Carlisle entered the room. It's worth mentioning that Edward didn't react to his entrance in any way. He neither tensed nor shifted, and had I not known better I would have thought that he hadn't even noticed.

"I just called airport security. The guard who was in charge last week is on holiday and no once knows how to reach him. I'm afraid it's another dead-end," he told us regretfully. As no one else answered, I nodded and murmured a thank you. It was nothing less than expected.

"I could try to contact the airport in Rio, but unfortunately, there isn't much more I can do," Carlisle continued apologetically.

I nodded again. "It's okay. You've done all you could. Thank you."

Carlisle sat down on a chair at the other end of the room, looking like he wished there was something he still could do. Sam eyed him curiously and—unless my eyes were playing tricks on me—with a substantial bit of respect. Seth hugged himself and frowned, mumbling another "I'm sorry" under his breath.

"Is there anything I can get you, Bella?" Carlisle finally asked, cocking his head to the side as he assessed me. I shook my head, recoiling from the mere thought of asking for even more from my adoptive father.

"And you, Edward?" he asked cautiously after a second of hesitation. His eyes were dark with apprehension.

At first Edward didn't answer. He just straightened his back and leaned away from me a little, although he never let go of my waist. His eyes never left the window.

I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until he finally replied, "No, Carlisle. Thank you." His tone was just a little strained, but otherwise it sounded pretty normal. Not believing it true, I looked over my shoulder. Edward's eyes swept over mine quickly, and they looked reasonably calm. His expression wasn't all that scary—just a little anger was mixed in it all, but most of it was sadness and, above all, fatigue.

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, unsmiling but still looking satisfied. "Very well," was the last thing he said before he, too, averted his gaze to the trees outside. Esme, who had been watching the progress with great fear in her eyes from the corner of the room, visibly relaxed.

Edward settled back into his position behind my back. I rested myself against him, inertly beaming. At least some things were going to get better even if all of them wouldn't.

But the restful peace didn't last for long. Just after a few seconds, Edward perked up again and whispered, "_What?_"

My eyes shot wide open. I, like everyone, immediately turned to look at Seth and Sam, thinking that something in their minds had triggered the change. It took little more than a second for us to realize that they were actually looking as baffled as we were.

"I can't believe it!" Edward's next jubilant exclamation only served to deepen my confusion, although something inside me did bestir.

Just as I was about to wring him out of what he knew, Edward bounced up and dashed for the door, not even bothering to glance back at me. I hung back a few moments, forlorn, until I stood up and walked to the open door. I could just and just distinguish Edward veering past the bend in the road.

"What's going on?" I asked aloud, hoping that someone knew more than I did. It was obvious they didn't, though, for everyone was soon crowding near the door as I was, searching the frontyard for something suspicious.

Frustrated, I turned my gaze back to the corner behind which Edward had disappeared. For a second I considered running after him, but decided against it because I couldn't bear to leave the wolves for even a second in case something new happened. A vain twinge of hope escaped past my careful barriers, but I crushed it before my mind had time to register it. I had to stay neutral, I told myself. Or else I would perish.

But the little bit of hope refused to leave my mind. This hope was different than the one I'd felt in the woods. It wasn't overwhelming, which made me convinced that it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't the type of hope that explodes like a firework and dies just as fast. This hope was steadily growing, patient, and yet expectant…

I wasn't the only one feeling it. Carlisle had aroused and was standing by my side, also gazing out towards the road—I could feel the new expectation roll out from him in waves. Seth was up on his feet and striding back and forth in the vast living room. Even Sam's eyes were watchful as we waited.

And true enough, soon a figure did appear back on the road. But as I watched it approach, I saw that it wasn't only one—three figures followed the first one, racing towards the house at great speed. The first one was Edward, who was waving about frantically with one arm while holding something in the other.

I gasped. Suddenly, there was a huge mood shift in the room. Everyone had the same expression on their face: an incredulous, surprised one. But I was sure none of their expressions quite matched mine. If my face mirrored anything that I was feeling, it should have cracked from the strain already.

After the first milliseconds of shock, I lunged towards Edward and Renesmee, who was looking like a goddess in my husband's arms. Her face was one wide, dazzling smile, her arms were outstretched, and she was crying out in joy. My feet could not carry me fast enough, and neither could my heart. Even though my heart was dead, I could feel something hot rushing through my veins. It was like adrenaline, only ten thousand times stronger.

I met Edward halfway to the house. Without pausing to look at him, I grabbed the little bundle from his arms and swung her around, and then finally pressed her against my chest. Warmth entered my body, and for the first time I started worrying about how cold I was in comparison to my daughter. She was like a star, radiating heat for the whole world to see. I was like a black hole, sucking the light in…

But I was far too selfish to care about how she fed me with her energy. It didn't seem to bother Renesmee, though, for she was crying too—drops of steaming saltwater trickled down her cheeks, and she kept ranting my name: "_Mama, mama, mama…_"

I could take my eyes off her face. Almost automatically, my eyes searched her tiny body for any signs of injury. A weight fell of my chest when I found not a single scratch on her. Someone enclosed us from the front—Edward, who was equally scanning her body.

Right then I was reminded of something I never thought I'd remember from my human years. A trivial memory, a few seconds of childlike fun flashed through my head. It was the memory of a ten-year-old me on my first and only real vacation to a spa resort in California. I'd never been in a spa before, and I'd been so excited when I saw the huge whirlpool. I'd jumped in, and the heat had been incredible. It had felt so good…

"Told you I'd take care of her!" a deep voice shouted from behind us. I turned around, and saw a chunk of russet skin and brown eyes nearing us—Jacob, smiling like he'd never smiled before. His smile was so bright that I couldn't help but catch it. I could have sworn my face muscles creaked a little when I smiled my first real smile for two weeks.

"Jacob," I sighed, welcoming him into our embrace. "I've never been so happy to see you before."

He winked and gestured to his side. "Well, you're lucky to see me at all. I was about to run off for good when these two started charging at me!"

I looked to the side—and couldn't believe my eyes. Alice and Jasper were both beaming at me, politely holding back from our intimate family moment. On Alice's face the smile looked natural—normal, even—but on Jasper it look slightly out of place, probably because he didn't smile all that often. I grinned back at them, all the while conscious of the little star I was holding between my arms.

"Surprised to see us?" Alice asked playfully.

Shaking my head, I gave up trying to find any reason in anything. "I don't understand anything," I told her, "but to be honest, I couldn't care less right now!"

We all burst out laughing, not because what I said was particularly funny, but because the relief felt so good.

Soon the others were there too, and Alice and Jasper were dragged into dozens of hugs and kisses. I let them go, knowing that it would all sort out later. After all, I had all eternity to talk things over with them. But as for my little child in my hands, I knew I didn't have all that long. Even if Renesmee would live forever like me, she wouldn't belong to me forever. One day she wouldn't need her mother anymore. One day she would have thousands of other priorities, and I would fade into the background like all mothers do. But for now, she _needed_ me. I knew I didn't have long to enjoy the motherly advantages, especially considering the rate she was growing.

"Don't grow old," I whispered into her ear when no one was listening. "It's just way too dull to be an adult."

Only she and Edward heard me, and together we laughed all the worries away.

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**A/N:**

It's not quite over yet, so stay tuned! And if you have a minute to spare, please leave me a review... :)


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